08 Apr Dating Tips for Guys from a Woman’s Perspective
I’m often writing dating advice for women, but recently I realised that maybe I could give some dating tips for guys from a woman’s perspective.
My guy friends are often telling me they don’t understand women, but I really think we’re not as complicated as you might think. Below are some of the most desirable traits I look for in men, along with some dating tips for attracting women:
In the beginning, don’t try so hard
A friend of mine is always asking me why he struggles to find a girl. He has read “The Game” from cover to cover. He’s tried the tricks of going up to girls in bars and “negging“, by making a backhanded remark.
He’s tried buying them drinks, he’s tried listening, he’s tried being funny, he’s even tried talking of his successes to impress them. But the truth is, having observed his dating technique, it is all wrong. He’s just trying too hard to be cool. Have you seen the TV show ‘Suits‘? He’s like Louis Litt on steroids. The best thing he could do is just be himself and let the women come to him.
I’m usually attracted to the guy who doesn’t have an agenda. We might have an interesting conversation, we might laugh, but he doesn’t try to hit on me straight away.
Girls actually like to chase just as much as guys. If we’re not quite sure if you’re single/interested, we’ll want you even more. If we think you’re just desperate to get into our panties, we’ll probably pass.
Spend time on your hobbies, and let us see your passion
I realised that even though I’ve dated very different guys, they all had one thing in common: a passion for something. One was passionate about flying, the other was passionate about surfing and another was really passionate about acting. They pursued their hobbies and they didn’t ever let me get in the way. It actually drove me insane because I sometimes felt they put their hobbies first, before me, BUT it have the effect of making me more attracted to them. I was attracted to their passion and their strength for not getting consumed by me or the relationship. Ultimately, they seemed more desirable.
There’s something sexy about a guy who is driven to do something. You don’t have to be the next Steve Jobs but it is attractive if you are motivated to pursue your passions and achieve your goals.
Guys often tell me that they like women who have hobbies, spend time with their girlfriends and don’t make their life revolve around a guy. Women find this attractive in guys too.
Make us feel like a woman
Women want to feel feminine, so if you can, show your capabilities and your masculine side. Women by nature are looking for a protector of their offspring and a provider.
Have multiple skills and confidence in different social situations
When I think of the ultimate male character I think of James Bond. He looks good in a suit, knows what he likes to drink, understands different languages and is able to slay a man with a golden gun. After a day of car chases and almost being killed, he’s still able to sweep his lady off her feet and be attentive in the bedroom.
You don’t have to look like James Bond. You don’t have to carry a gun or work for the secret service. But showing multiple skills and the ability to adapt to different social situations is always sexy.
More than that, it’s about showing confidence. It’s about knowing how to carry yourself and being knowledgeble about different things. Women really like men who can balance their work with their family and their love life equally too.
Don’t be jealous or controlling
It’s normal to feel a little bit of jealousy, but it depends whether you act on it or not. If you’re the kind of person who flies off the handle every time you see your girl talking to another guy, you might want to think about what underlying issues you have yourself. If I feel in any way controlled then it makes me want to run for the hills. If a guy gives me space and freedom, I’ll keep coming back.
Listen and show thoughtfulness
We girls will often drop hints about things we like. I know I know, you’re probably thinking; “why can’t girls just be direct” but this is how we operate. We’re hoping that when we tell you we’re coveting this amazing new handbag, that perhaps you’ll remember to buy it as a birthday gift.
A guy I know bought his girlfriend very expensive weightlifting shoes for her birthday. He was so excited to give them to her, but it seemed like the last thing she would want for her birthday. He is heavily into fitness whereas she would go to the gym once in a while. He’d clearly bought the gift because it’s the kind of thing he would like, but he wasn’t really thinking about what she would like.
A girl may say she doesn’t need flowers, but I’ve never heard a girl complain about receiving flowers. Small, thoughtful gestures, like buying our favourite type of chocolate when we’ve had a stressful day, will always be appreciated.
Honesty and integrity are key characteristics in a desirable male. If you can communicate honestly then things will run a lot more smoothly.
If you’ve been dating a girl but you’ve decided you’re not interested, then tell her! The worst thing you can do is ghost her. It shows a lack of maturity if you’d rather just opt for silence instead of facing the issue head on.