28 Jan You Don’t Need Closure
So he’s gone.
Perhaps you were in a relationship and all of a sudden he broke it off without a reason. Perhaps you weren’t in a relationship at all but he faked a future with you and then all of a sudden he disappeared off the face of the Earth. Or maybe he just seemed really interested but then bailed on your date and hasn’t been in touch since.
You want to know why.
Was it something you said? Was it something you did? Is it the way you look? Is there somebody else?
You pour through the text messages, looking for clues as to why he left. You agonise over every little detail trying to understand what went wrong.
If only you could just call them and find out why.
The truth is it doesn’t matter why.
They’re gone. You don’t need closure.
The person doesn’t want to be with you, so they vanished.
Often people don’t give a reason because they don’t want to hurt the other person. They feel there are things that are better left unsaid.
Now I’m not saying that’s always fair. Personally, I would rather someone chose honesty over ghosting and day.
But at the same time it doesn’t necessarily serve you to push for answers.
I used to think that I needed closure. I would ask for a reason until the guy told me something that I really actually didn’t want to hear. I thought if I could just find out the why, that it would help me for future relationships.
But it didn’t work that way. In fact, it only fuelled my anger. I disagreed with everything they said about me and then tried to prove them wrong. It just made me more frustrated, more angry and didn’t give me any piece of mind.
The truth is, if the person has left then they do not value you enough. It doesn’t matter what their reasons are, they just don’t see you for the amazing person that you are.
Don’t pick up the phone, don’t pester them for answers. Don’t give them attention!
Think of it this way: imagine you went on a couple of dates with a guy and decided for whatever reason that you weren’t really attracted to them. Then all of a sudden they’re ringing you and hassling you for reasons why you don’t want to go on another date. Would it make you suddenly attracted to them? No.
If they don’t want to be with you, you shouldn’t want to be with them either. It doesn’t matter what they say, or the reason why.
It’s better to let go. To grieve. To accept that you cannot make someone like you. It’s better to focus on all the things that are great about YOU, and not to worry about what you did wrong. Not everybody is right for each other, so the kindest thing to do for yourself is to breathe in, breathe out, and just let go. The more often you do this, the easier it becomes should this situation happen again.
This person may not like some of your qualities, but there is someone out there who will 🙂