hourglass - he hasn't confirmed our date

He hasn’t confirmed our date, what should I do?

This is a situation I’ve found myself in all too often. It goes something like this:

Guy says: “How about we grab dinner and drinks next weekend?”

You say: “Yeah that would be nice!”

He says: “OK I’ll text you in the week”

You: “OK great”

Monday and Tuesday you’re busy and not really too bothered but then Wednesday comes and you’re left wondering, “Hmm are we actually going on a date this week? Maybe he’ll message tomorrow after we’re past Hump Day!”

Thursday comes and now you’re starting to feel a little anxious about the situation. Are we going out Friday? Saturday? Has he forgotten? Has he been hit by a bus? OK maybe he’s been busy. Should I text him?

If you’re in this situation right now, and you’ve found yourself googling ‘he hasn’t confirmed our date‘ I have one bit of advice for you.

Don’t text him, don’t call him. 

I know, I know. You need to know what’s happening so you aren’t left hanging. You want to know if you’re going out so you can make plans, buy new clothes, get your nails done etc.

But if you text or call him, this is what it says:

It says, “I will go on a date with you no matter how you behave towards me”. Even if you leave it till the last minute. It’s the equivalent of saying:

“Remember? We’re supposed to go on a date? Just wondering why you haven’t been in touch? I’d still really like to go on a date with you even though you’re not behaving in the way I’d like!”

In the beginning it’s important to let him make the moves. If he asked you, he can pick the date and the time. The man should hunt, the man should lead.

The best thing to do is wait to see what he does. Mirror his actions. If he doesn’t contact you, you don’t contact him. Yes this is difficult and you might be itching to pick up that phone but just sit back and try to forget about it.

As the day draws nearer he may be in touch and say “Sorry I’ve been really busy with work, are we still on for dinner?” Or maybe not. Maybe you won’t hear from him, but then you’ll know his intentions weren’t there in the first place.

You might hear from him the following week, but if you just wait, he may think, “Hmmm, she hasn’t contacted me. I wonder if she’s even noticed I didn’t call to confirm our date.” He’s almost expecting you to text him with a needy message. So if you hold off, it’s more than likely that he will be in touch again.

By not messaging him you indicate that you have your own life and you are not fitting everything around him. The best thing you can do is simply go about your normal routine and don’t reject other plans in the hope that you’ll be going out. If your friends say let’s go on a night out, go out with your friends.

If he finally contacts you on the day and you’ve planned to do something else, tell him that and make him rearrange. Say, “Sorry everything was up in the air so I made other arrangements. How about we do another time?” If he wants to see you he will find a way. If you haven’t made plans and you’re the kind of person who doesn’t mind making last minute arrangements, then go if you want to. If you’re a planner, then don’t give in and make it clear you need advanced warning.

To avoid this happening, the moral of the story is: when he suggests a date, ask him to confirm a date and a time there and then, then at least you won’t be left wondering what day you’ll be going out.

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