He hasn’t texted me in a week, what should I do?

Been checking your phone every 5 minutes wondering if you’ll get a text from him? Time can seem like an eternity when you’re waiting for a text from one particular person. 3 days go by and you start to wonder, is it something I did? Is he done with me? Has he been hit by a bus or perhaps come down with coronavirus?

I feel you. It’s difficult living in a state of not knowing when he’ll call, or what you should do in the meantime.

To make an assessment, let’s look at some scenarios where he might not have texted you in a week:

You only just met, or you’ve been chatting on dating apps

If you’ve met someone on a dating app and haven’t met in real life then the likelihood is he’s talking to a bunch of other people.

If it’s someone who you just started talking to (or just met once in real life), then he’s probably a) not very invested yet b) busy with life. It’s easy to forget to text someone when you barely know them and have little emotional investment.

You’ve been on a few dates and now he’s gone quiet

Perhaps you’ve been on a few dates, he was usually initiating texts and then suddenly he went quiet. It’s likely he’s lost interest for whatever reason. It could be that he doesn’t feel you’re compatible, or it could be something you did. Or he could just be dating other women and he is more focused on another girl than you.

Alternatively, he could have stuff going on in his own life. He may have had a ton of work dumped on him or he could be not feeling well.

You’re dating/in a relationship and had drama

Perhaps you had a fight or you got overly suspicious of him or you lashed out over something he said. In this instance he may have gone quiet because he needs some space to reset and stay away from the drama. If he feels like the whole thing will blow up again, he’s more inclined to stay away. The worse the fight, the longer it might take him to get back to you.

Bottom line: he’s usually either busy/distracted, or he’s not that invested/interested.

Sometimes life gets in the way. Sometimes men are super stressed with work, they’re sick, they have family issues or they’re traveling on business. Or maybe they have a hectic social life and they prefer to hit you up when they know they have the time to arrange a date and see you properly. A week is a while, but it’s also not an incredibly long amount of time.

If you’ve only just started seeing each other then he could be dating or talking to multiple girls and so it’s possible he’s juggling a few at once.

In that case, you’re just not a priority (yet). In the early stages it’s important not to fall too hard too fast, because people have busy lives and it often takes quite a few dates for a man to feel invested. You could become a priority in the future, just not right now.

If, however, you’ve been seeing each other for a while (or even in a relationship) and you went from talking often to not talking at all for a week, then it could be an indicator that somethings up. Usually men who are interested will check in with you now and again if they’re interested.

Perhaps he’s not really feeling the spark anymore and he just doesn’t know how to tell you, so he’s hoping that he can just let things fizzle out. It could be something about you that he’s not sure of, or it could be that he doesn’t really want commitment right now.

There is one other possibility, which isn’t a common occurrence but it has happened to both me and my friend.

The guy might be feeling a little insecure about reaching out to you!

Yes it’s rare, but sometimes guys are shy to reach out too. A friend of mine hooked up with a guy and didn’t hear from him, but a few days went by and she messaged him because she left her earrings at his house.

They’re now in a relationship, and she said if it hadn’t been for her reaching out, they wouldn’t have seen each other again. He said he assumed she probably regretted hooking up with him because she was drunk and so he was too nervous to reach out in case he got rejected.

There are a multitude of possibilities why a guy might not text you in a week, but the question is, what do you do about it?

You really have two options, text him to find out, or leave it.

Leave it and let him to text you

he hasn't text in a week

Now, let’s look at the first option.

Some may argue that in dating, it’s all about creating space for the guy to miss you.

As one of my male friends put it: “You have to see the long game…it’s about controlling your urges and focusing on the end goal. It’s about the small wins. In the beginning, it’s really all about showing you care the least.”

Not everyone will agree with that statement. In an ideal world, relationships shouldn’t be about power struggles or battles for control. They should be about two people simply enjoying each others company.

But it’s widely known that men like the chase, especially in the beginning. In fact, we’re all wired in some way to want what we can’t have. They like to feel that they have “won you over” and claimed you as the prize.

If you don’t text him then you keep control and you also avoid possible rejection. If you don’t deal with rejection well then this option might be the best for you.

When he eventually reaches out you will know that he wanted to text you and to talk to you.

See…the problem with texting him first is it’s difficult to know whether he’s simply replying out of a sense of obligation, or whether he’s actually interested.

But the whole concept of “chasing” really depends on the type of man. If he’s a super confident alpha type or a player then this is probably the option you want to go with. If he’s a little more shy or insecure, then maybe he would need a little nudge.

If you’re in a relationship or you’ve been seeing someone for a while and you’ve been too much “drama” or had a fight, then it might be best to let him reach out when he’s ready. Time heals and men often like to retreat into their caves. Give him space and let him reach out when he’s ready.

When men are stressed with work or they’re having a bad time, sometimes they prefer to have some space. Women like to reach out to their friends and chat, whereas men often want to lick their wounds and ponder.

If you’re feeling super anxious…

Text him. So many dating experts and forums say you shouldn’t text a guy because men like to chase. But if it’s causing you so much anxiety, sometimes taking an action, any action, is better than doing nothing at all.

If you’re the kind of person who has sleepless nights and checks your phone every 5 minutes, then shoot the guy a message and see what happens. Have zero expectations. Don’t get passive aggressive about the fact you haven’t heard from him or tell him “I guess I got ghosted…”

Be cool, calm and breezy. You could shoot a simple text like, “Hey, how’s your day going?” or send a cute picture of something that reminded you of him. Even a funny meme, if you guys usually send memes. The aim is to send a text with minimal investment, start a conversation and see where it leads.

Don’t pressure the guy to hang out or question him on where he’s been. Be a woman of high value.

If he doesn’t respond then leave it. If he responds but he’s super quiet and doesn’t say much, then perhaps it’s time to realize he’s not that interested.

However, if he acts excited to hear from you or wants to chat, then perhaps he just needed a bit of a nudge. It’s important to make sure you don’t get into the habit of always initiating but once in a while it’s OK.

Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

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