21 May Will he leave his girlfriend for me?
I had always made a rule that I would never, ever sleep/date/pursue a guy who has a girlfriend. And yet there I was typing into Google search: “will he leave his girlfriend for me?”
How had I come to this point? How had I become the other woman?
Rewind to when I first moved to a new city and a new job. It was my first week in my office and I was walking back from the toilets to my desk when our eyes met. He was dark, handsome and smiled at me with this knowing look. I knew right then and there that we would end up together. Later that week there were several birthdays in the office so we all went out for drinks and he spoke to me for the first time. The night ended up getting out of hand and to cut a long story short, we ended up hooking up.
It was only after we’d had sex that he informed me that he didn’t want to be an asshole but he had a girlfriend, to which I responded, “You are an asshole.”
After that I thought nothing would come of it and that it would be just a one night stand but instead, he pursued me relentlessly. He asked for my number, he told me what an incredible night he’d had. There were the flirty texts in the office and then the suggestion of, well, maybe he could come over and we could do this again.
I told myself his relationship must not be that great and that he must really, really like me if he’s going to all this trouble. Hooking up at my place became a regular occurrence and we never talked about the girlfriend because I didn’t want to spoil the moment. But then I started to wonder…is he unhappy with his girlfriend? Does he live with her? Who is she and what does she look like? Why does he always leave my place before midnight? Why can’t he stay over on the weekend? Will he leave her for me?
Will he leave her?
Each case is different. It’s entirely possible. We know that throughout history, men have left their wives or girlfriends for someone else. But it all depends what he shows with his actions. He can say he really likes you, he can say he really loves you, he can even talk about the possibility of leaving but unless he actually takes action, it’s all just words.
When I finally plucked up the courage to ask him what the situation was, he told me that he was happy with his girlfriend and that we should stop. He said he was sorry and that it was his fault for not being clear in the beginning but he thought it would just be a bit of fun. He said he had developed feelings for me and that it wasn’t just sex, but ultimately he wasn’t going to be leaving his girlfriend. I tried to be as graceful as possible (I did work with the guy after all) and wiped away my tears.
But the next day, the pursuit started again. Texts trying to cheer me up and make me laugh. Before long, we were back at it, with me thinking that one day, just one day, he would realise how right we were for each other.
Then a few months later, I was chatting to someone in the office and a girl randomly let slip that he had bought a house with his girlfriend. I was devastated. The entire time he was telling me how much he needed me, how he was thinking about me, he was picking out furniture for his new house with her. He was giving me his words, but he was giving her his actions.
I confronted him about the whole thing but somehow we were always both so weak that we could never stop. It only ended when I eventually got fired for reasons that were unrelated. He was incredibly supportive but all of a sudden we had no excuse to see each other anymore. Texting became less frequent, a couple of months went by and gradually we drifted apart. The less I saw of him, the easier it became for me.
He never left her for me and to this day I still don’t understand why he is with this particular girlfriend. From what I now know of her they don’t seem suited in the slightest. But at the end of the day, he chooses her and he’s prepared to let me go.
Anyway, back to your question – will he leave her for me? I think as a general rule, if he hasn’t realised after the first three months that he’s meant to be with you and he’ll do anything to keep you, then he’s just having the best of both worlds. He’s doing it because he can and because you provide something his girlfriend doesn’t.
If you’re further down the line and you want to have something more, you have to prepared to end things and see how he’ll respond. End it, let him be with his girlfriend and if he can’t live without you, he’ll leave her. And if he doesn’t, then you move on.
Ultimately if he keeps getting the sex from you and the relationship stuff from her, he’ll continue like this. He doesn’t have to make a choice; instead he gets to have his cake and eat it. There are some love stories from affairs and some men do leave their girlfriends, but these are usually exceptional cases. As always in relationships, it’s important to have clear communication. Ask him what he wants and if he says he wants to be with her, believe him. If he keeps telling you he’s going to leave but delays and delays, he’s probably not going to.