My favourite moment of Sex and the City is when Miranda points out that men are like cabs:
Charlotte: Sometimes you just know, it’s like, magic, it’s fate.
Miranda: It’s not fate, his light is on, that’s all.
Charlotte: What light?
Miranda: Men are like cabs, when their available their light goes on. They awake one day and decide their ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. Next woman they pickup, boom, that’ the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate, it’s dumb luck.
Charlotte: I’m sorry, I refuse to believe that love is at random.
Miranda: Please, it’s all about timing. You gotta get em, when their lights on.
Carrie: All the men I meet are flashing yellows.
Miranda: Or off duty. They can drive around for years picking up women and not be available.
In my years of dating I have come to realise that for men, timing is everything. Much more so than women.
Women can fall in love with a guy at any time and if they feel those butterflies, they will do anything to make it work.
But men seem to operate differently. In many ways their decision making process of whether to be with a woman is more complex. Of course, I’m not lumping all men into the same category. There are men who also experience whirlwind romances and some who rush into marriages several times over. But for the majority, timing is everything.
Right guy wrong time?
So is there such a thing as bad timing in relationships? Can there be a case of right guy wrong time?
I’m sure some people will argue that if a guy is really into you, he’ll do anything to be with you.
But I have this theory that for guys it’s not really all about the attraction, or the sex, or how in love they are with the person. While those things are important, that’s not the driving factor.
You see, men naturally want to be providers.
And many men are motivated by the need to ‘conquer’.
When I say ‘conquer’ I mean the need to become the king of his castle. He might not even be the most ambitious guy in the world but there will be something that he needs to do to feel proud of himself. To feel like a man.
If a guy feels like he’s not successful or he hasn’t achieved what he wants to achieve, then it often means he won’t ready for commitment/marriage.
I once knew a guy who said he would quit smoking and settle down at 30. He did exactly that. It was like he had that number etched in his head and he planned to have much fun as possible beforehand.
Another guy I dated said he “was in a weird place” and not able to commit because he was planning to move back to his home country. The moment he moved back, he got into a committed relationship and settled down.
If a guy is planning to move overseas for work or he’s not making enough money yet or he’s not in the right frame of mind for whatever reason, then no matter how much he likes you, he may not be ready for anything serious.
If he feels like he can’t give 100% to a relationship, then he’d rather not have one at all.
Like Miranda, I think some men wake up one day and decide they are ready to settle down, and whoever the woman is that happens to be there at the time; she is the one he decides to marry.
The key is trying to assess when it is the right timing for him.
Timing in relationships
So how do you know if his light is on?
Well, this is the tricky part. All you can really do is ask enough questions and assess his behaviour. If he’s buying a home, thinking about getting a dog and even states out loud that he’s ready for a relationship, then that’s a solid sign. The key is to listen and observe. Is he chasing you, or is he chasing everything else?
If he’s booty calling you or even saying that he’s not ready for a relationship, then it’s important to stop wasting time on the wrong guy and focus your energies on meeting more men who potentially are ready.