24 Apr Being a high-value woman: how to make a man value you more
Have you ever met or known a woman who just oozes confidence, power and sexiness? Perhaps she isn’t the most beautiful woman in the world but she just has something about her that makes men fall at her feet?
You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you find yourself wondering, “what is it about her that has men so enthralled and makes men want to date her?”
Well, it’s often because she acts like a high-value woman, and in turn men see her as a woman of value.
So how can you become a woman of high-value in a world of “Netflix n Chill” style dating?
In this article I’m going to teach you how to make a man value you more…
Live your life to the fullest
You’ve probably heard this a million times but make sure you live your life for you. Be passionate about something, whether it’s rock climbing, photography, yoga, playing the guitar…whatever takes your fancy.
There’s nothing more sexy than someone who focuses on something that means something to them.
Make sure you stay focused on your career goals, your hobbies and your friends. Don’t abandon your life for some guy. Travel the world, make plans, build your business, expand your horizons…whatever it is you need to do to be happy.
You only have ONE life, so picture yourself on your death bed and think about what you would regret not doing.
Take care of yourself
When I was younger I made a lot of decisions that weren’t necessarily good for me or my health. I flew to Bali for a guy, got into a scooter accident and ended up with injuries and ultimately some bad scars (and no relationship). I was reckless and in turn, I found myself thinking, “how could I have been so stupid?”
Take care of you. Pamper yourself when you need to. Get regular STD check ups, take care of your health (and your mental health).
If the guy you’re dating makes you feel bad about yourself, acknowledge your feelings and listen to them.
When something’s not right, don’t lean in, lean back. If you need space to think, take it.
If your guy wants you to move across country and ditch your job but you’re not comfortable with it, then don’t! Do what’s right for you and only you.
Don’t turn into a people pleaser
Many dating experts (and guys) will tell you that in order to get a guy to fall in love with you it’s necessary to massage his ego a little bit. They’ll tell you to be supportive of his work, or to help him achieve his goals. They’ll advise you to make him feel good about himself.
But do you ever just feel like the dating advice is all one-sided? Like you’re doing all this stuff to please him but getting little back in return?
These things should only be done if a) your praise is genuine and b) he’s actually encouraging you in return. Relationships involve give and take, they involve equal effort from both sides. A woman of high-value won’t go around saying/doing things just to please a man.
Honesty is attractive. Praising him and boosting his ego when it’s not warranted isn’t.
Don’t worry about whether to have sex with him or not
Again, many dating experts advise holding out on sex for the first few dates, or even until commitment. In my opinion, that kind of advice is outdated.
People today have sex before marriage and many people hook up before being in a relationship. It’s important to know whether you’re compatible in the bedroom before you jump into commitment.
Some people have sex on the first date or randomly hook up with someone in a bar and then worry that they’ve ruined their chances of having a relationship. But in all honesty it doesn’t matter whether you have sex on the first date or the third date. If a guy is into you and you’re into him, that type of thing won’t matter.
If you withhold sex because you’re trying to get a relationship out of him, the guy will sense it. He’ll sense you have an agenda and it will be a big turn off. High-value women don’t withhold sex to get something. They have sex when they want to and feel ready, whether that’s the first date or the third date. The point is, you should go with what you feel comfortable with.
If you get attached to anyone you sleep with, then perhaps you should hold off having sex because you want to get to know him and asses whether HE is right for YOU.
But it should never be because you’re hoping he’ll somehow commit just because you withheld sex from him. If you tell him you won’t have sex till the fifth date, he may just wait until the fifth date to bone you and still flake afterwards.
If you want to be sexual with him, be sexual and show him what you’re made of in the bedroom, it doesn’t matter when.
Stop putting him on a pedestal
You think he’s amazing because he’s shown you pictures of all his nieces and nephews and he’d make a great father someday. Or perhaps you think he’s amazing because he has a great job and he’s good looking. These things don’t matter if he’s not putting in any effort with you!
He might be great on paper, he might be liked by a lot of people – but look at how he treats you. And remember that you are fabulous too! You can’t base a relationship on “potential”. He may have lots of potential, but he might take that potential somewhere else.
Whenever you see him, remember that he is just a human with flaws. He has his own insecurities…he’s just another guy. He pees, he farts, he sometimes does embarrassing things, he’s just a guy.
Put the focus back on you and all the amazing qualities you have.
We all like to stalk people on social media and we often envy other people.
Remember there are people out there who will be stalking your profiles and wishing they were more like you! So remember your good qualities and remember that the right guy will see them.
Know when to walk away
Men are more likely to commit to a woman if they feel like they could lose her. The high-value woman knows her worth and that’s an irresistible trait. If he cheats she will leave. If he doesn’t treat her well, she’ll leave.
You have to be prepared to walk away from a situation that’s not making you happy or feeling fulfilled. You teach people how to treat you.
If a guy isn’t doing what you want, don’t sit their complaining about how you wish he would treat you better.
Just walk. If he wants you he will follow you and if he doesn’t then he will look for someone else to be his doormat.
Give as much as you get
As women we tend to like nurturing. It’s in our nature. But sometimes there’s such as thing as being too giving.
A girl I once shared an apartment with was always complaining about how she did everything for her guy and yet he wouldn’t commit. She baked cookies and sent them to the office. She bought him hand towels because she noticed he didn’t have any. She went out of her way to do little things for him, yet he never did anything for her.
When he finally told her he couldn’t be in a relationship with her, she said to me in despair “But I did everything for him! How could he not see how could I could be for him!”
You can’t buy love. She was giving everything but he didn’t appreciate it because she was being too giving, and gving too much can actually be a turn off.
If you want a man to do nice things for you, sometimes you have to take a step back and let him chase you.
A relationship should be equal, so if you’re constantly doing his laundry and he doesn’t lift a finger to do other things, perhaps it’s time to stop doing the laundry.
Show a man with your actions and not your words.
Don’t be needy and definitely don’t chase
I have a friend who is very needy. She just can’t relax and she knows this. She’ll question a guy on whether he’s talking to other girls and make him reassure her he’s not. She can’t go with the flow and needs words of affirmation in order to feel secure. She needs to text 24/7 and if a guy lets her down in the slightest way, like not calling when he says he will, she feels very intense emotions.
I asked her how she would feel if her guy acted needy and constantly needed reassurance from her. She said it would be a big turn off. That gave her some perspective, so I reminded her to always think of the situation if the shoe was on the other foot.
Being able to go with the flow and enjoy the moment is a very attractive trait and something that a lot of high-value women possess. They let the guy call first and they let the guy chase them. They don’t worry about the future and they don’t have an agenda of a relationship.
They asses the relationship on what’s happening in the present.
That’s not to say that you can’t open up about your feelings or have open dialogue with a guy about your needs. It’s about how you say it and choosing the right moment. Guys don’t want long-winded essay texts, so save it for in person. And don’t talk about your emotions until the guy is already invested in you.
Until you’re in a relationship, resist the urge to put all of your emotions and feelings out on the table. Emotions overwhelm men.
How to be a high value woman
Ultimately being a high-value woman is about knowing your worth, loving yourself and knowing when to walk away when a situation isn’t right. Trust your intuition and if something doesn’t feel right, back off, don’t lean forward.
Ultimately a high-value woman recognizes men who are into her and treat her with respect. She values herself and won’t waste time on men who don’t value her.
If you want to be a high-value woman, you should be striving for the right relationship – one that makes you happy and fulfilled, not one that is full of angst.