ghosting dating - being honest with a girl

Men: Being Honest with a Girl is Better Than Ghosting!

I’m a firm believer that being honest with a girl really is the best policy when dating.

Sadly, there are men out there who seem to prefer ‘ghosting’ ie. pulling a vanishing act and never leaving an explanation.

They go on a couple of dates with you, then one day they stop texting and you never hear from them again. Or perhaps they text you a little bit but it becomes less frequent until they disappear completely.

Ghosting is the easiest way out. They get to walk away without having an awkward conversation about why they’re not interested in taking things any further.

But ghosting is a shitty thing to do because the girl is left hanging. It’s not quite as bad as breadcrumbing but it’s still pretty low. When we don’t hear from someone, we girls by nature tend to pore over everything in our heads and make excuses.

Perhaps he’s just really busy with work this week. 

Perhaps he IS interested but he just needs some time.

Perhaps he’s been injured and he’s in hospital?

When I talk to my male friends they’ll sometimes tell me about a girl they’re not really interested in who keeps contacting them or just not really taking the hint. I tell them, “Why don’t you just be honest with her and say you’re not interested?”

Their answer? “Oh I couldn’t do that, I wouldn’t want to upset her!”

But by dragging it out, you’re only making her more confused. The girl still has hope and clings onto the possibility you’ll call.

In the long run, you’re hurting her more than if you just ripped the band aid off suddenly. Yes she might be upset for a second. Perhaps she’ll tell you you’re a complete dick. But she may also just thank you for your honesty.

I once went on a date with a guy and everything was going just fine until he brought up politics with me in a text message. We differed in our opinions, but we agreed to disagree. I changed the subject, asked him a question and then he never replied. A few days later I messaged him to ask if my opinions had offended him. After talking every day for weeks, there was complete radio silence and I never heard a peep out of him again. The weirdest part about it is, he actually then started liking all my pictures on social media.

Now obviously not all men are like this. I remember another time I’d been on three or four dates with a guy when he suddenly sent me a long text message explaining that he was sorry but he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now. That was the polite thing to do, although his reason was actually not true. He didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, but he did find a girlfriend a few months later.

I must add that women do the ghosting thing too, it’s not just men. But I myself prefer to go with the honesty factor. If I go on a date with a guy and they seem keen but I’m not interested, I just tell them “I had a really nice time but I’m not interested in taking this any further.”

Have you been ghosted on? Have you ghosted someone? Have you tried being honest with a girl? Share your story below! 

Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

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