Possibly the best piece of dating advice I’ve ever heard is the following:
Mirror his actions
Mirroring is really, really simple. If a guy messages you, you message him back. If he hasn’t confirmed your date, don’t contact him. If he doesn’t have time for you, you don’t have time for him. This doesn’t mean you’re playing hard to get or acting like you’re not interested. It simply means that you’re putting in the same amount of effort as he puts in.
He should know that it’s possible he could win you over, but only if he does the right things. If he makes the effort to see you and says he’s had a great time, you respond to him with enthusiasm and appreciation. Tell him you had a great time and thank him.
Bottom line: let him initiate
The problem is, when a guy isn’t texting you as much, or he’s pulling away, it can be far too tempting to message him. One text can’t hurt can it? Before you know it, you’re chasing him, when it’s meant to be the other way round.
I know because I’ve been that woman. I’ve found myself giving off too much masculine energy, initiating contact and trying to hunt the guy.
Some women think that this is taking control, but in fact you’re losing control of the situation. With every text you start to feel more vulnerable, more needy, more stressed and like you’ve given away a bit of yourself. You don’t want to be obsessing.
Men are born hunters and by coming to him, you take away the chase. Sometimes they need time to think, brood or retreat into their man cave so they can process their feelings. They like to test the boundaries and sometimes they’re expecting a reaction from you. By not reacting and mirroring his actions, you are showing your strength and he will have more respect for you. It’s a little bit like how you would train a dog or a child (sorry guys!). They do something you don’t like, you don’t give them attention. They do something you like, you show them love and affection.
By mirroring them, they are far more likely to respond to you and show interest in you than if you chase after them and persuade them to like you. And why should you have to persuade someone to like you? They should see how amazing you are!
In the early stages, you can also try subtly mirroring his physical behaviour, eg. sipping a drink when he does or crossing your arms at the same time. Don’t make it obvious that you’re doing it, but scientific studies have shown that this helps with bonding.
However, if a guy keeps disappearing and then reappearing, it’s time to think about whether you really want this guy in your life. I firmly believe that if he keeps doing this, then you have every right to lay down some rules and express that this isn’t the kind of behaviour you’re going to accept. One way to do this is by being firm but expressing it in a positive way, eg. “I enjoy spending time with you but if we’re going to continue seeing each other I’d like it if we were able to spend more time together.” Men want to please, so if he knows this makes you happy, he will either step up to the plate, or you’ll realise he wasn’t that invested in the first place. If he’s not getting the hint and you want to be more firm you could say, “I think perhaps we should leave things for now until you’ve figured out what you want.”
Men act out. When they feel uncertain, they go quiet, they disappear. He’s then sitting back, monitoring how you’ll react. Uncertainty is attractive, so if he disappears and you go MIA too, suddenly he’ll wonder what you’re up to. It tells him that you’re comfortable with giving him space, that you have your own life to get on with and that he won’t get a rise out of you if he pulls away. He’s suddenly then realising you’re not like other women and he admires your emotional strength. He’s thinking, why isn’t she wondering why I am? Has she found someone else? What’s she up to?
Have you tried to mirror his actions? Did it work for you? Leave a comment below!