breadcrumbing when dating

Don’t Fall for Breadcrumbing When Dating

It may now have a name in the urban dictionary and be the big hot topic for dating in 2017, but ‘breadcrumbing’ is something that’s been around for a long time.

We just didn’t have a label for it yet.

What does bread crumbing mean?

This is different from ‘ghosting‘ where the person just drops of the face off the earth. Breadcrumbing is essentially where the guy or girl sprinkles breadcrumbs to keep you interested. You don’t get the whole loaf, you just get little bits here and there whenever they feel like it. You remain hooked, while they never have to commit fully to you. In many ways it’s WORSE than ghosting because it leads you to believe there is hope, when really there isn’t.

How to spot breadcrumbing

Usually this type of person will disappear for weeks or months on end, but then sporadically send you text messages whenever they’re bored, they want sex or they need a bit of an ego boost.

Perhaps they’ll go MIA for a while, then suddenly start liking your pictures on Instagram. You sit up and take notice, seeing it as a sign that they’re interested, but really all they’ve done is double tap their finger on your photo. Not exactly much of an effort now is it?

Then after liking a few pictures they might reach out via text, but the messages are always noncommittal. One minute you think there might be a chance of a relationship, and the next you’re left wondering what the hell is going on.

Why breadcrumbing sucks

Breadcrumbing when dating is mean and it sucks. With every interaction you have a glimmer of hope, even when there is none.

Initially you feel your heart race when their name pops up on your screen. You exchange some flirty texts, but the person gives no explanation of why they disappeared, so you’re left feeling disappointed and confused.

You experience a high, then you experience the lows. I’ve had this done to me by a particularly flaky guy and it sucked. There was no communication in between, then all of a sudden he would reappear making the excuse of being ‘busy’.

If someone does this to you, it’s best to ignore them. If you do choose to respond, set your boundaries and don’t be afraid to call them out on their behaviour. This person keeps dishing out breadcrumbs because you are accepting it! If you don’t make it clear that it’s disrespectful, they’ll think you’re OK with it and the cycle will continue.

Be firm about what you’ll accept from a relationship and don’t fall for breadcrumbing.

Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

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