Have you ever felt disappointed because a guy talked about things he’d like to do together in the future, only to ghost you a few days or weeks later?
Perhaps he told you about his parent’s house in Spain and how he’d love to take you there someday. Or maybe he suggested going out to dinner at that new restaurant opening next month. You thought he must really, really like you, then all of a sudden…poof! He’s disappeared in a puff of smoke.
There’s a word for him. He’s a future faker.
Why do it? Why go to all the lengths of acting like you’re keen if you’re really not even sure about the girl? Why not just play it cool, not promise anything and just see where it goes?
While I often let my imagination run away with me, I would never dream of actually talking about the future with someone I’ve just started dating. So why do guys who aren’t that interested say all these things? When I talk to my female friends, they have all encountered a future faker at some point or another.
I’ve slowly come to the following conclusions:
a) they say this you’ll be interested in them i.e. they are seeking validation
b) they might possibly be excited about the future, but then freak themselves out
c) something happens in the meantime to change their mind about you
My theory is that a lot of the time, the guy just wants to be ‘successful’ on the date. By “future faking” the guy is trying to win you over. He talks about all this stuff because he thinks it’s what you want to hear and he wants you to like him, even if he’s not sure about you. A date is still a bit like going for a job interview, in the sense that humans naturally want to perform well.
When he talks about the future he is also noting your reaction. If you’re really keen, he knows he’s got you and that you’re interested. If you say something like “hold on boy, don’t get ahead of yourself”, he realises he might have to work that little bit harder if he want that future with you.
So what can we learn from this ladies? In the early stages of dating, don’t take what they say too seriously. Take it all with a pinch of salt because there’s nothing worse than feeling let down and disappointed. The guy probably won’t even remember that he said it, whereas you’ve been holding onto every little word. So forget about it, don’t store it in your memory bank. Monitor his interest by his actions and not what he says because a lot of the time it is all hot air.