He hasn't texted me in 3 days

He hasn’t texted me in 3 days…

As humans we crave consistency in life, so when a guy doesn’t text you in a few days, it can sound the alarm bells. One minute you’re texting each other about your favorite Netflix shows and planning dates, the next minute…radio silence.

Day one goes by and you think, maybe he’s just busy. Day 2 arrives and you think, “Well, I’m a strong, independent woman – we don’t have to talk every day. Day 3 and you’re calling your friends – “He hasn’t texted me in 3 days, what if I’m never going to hear from him again?!”

What went wrong? Did he lose interest? Did he get run over by a bus? Did I say something wrong in my last message? Did he meet someone else?

3 days can seem like an eternity when you’ve been speaking on the regular, leaving you questioning every interaction you ever had with him.

Most dating advice teaches us to not be “needy” or seem desperate, so you may find yourself in a conundrum – do I text him?

First let me ask you this. Are you OK with limbo? Can you wait it out? Or are you one of those people who just needs to know?

Personally, after several experiments, I believe that it’s better to wait for the guy to text you. I know, I know. Many people will say, “But we live in the 21st century! A woman should be able to text a guy whenever she wants!” or “Dating shouldn’t be about playing games, it should be equal!”

It is very, very rare that a guy will completely ghost. And if he does, and you never hear from him again, good riddance. You don’t need closure. Most guys, on day 4 or 5, or perhaps in 2 weeks, will come back to you at some point to test the waters. So if you can wait, it will feel SO good when he finally texts you.

If you text him, it may feel good in the moment when he replies, but then you’re not sure if he was just replying out of obligation or whether he actually WANTED to text you.

So initially it feels good but an hour later the adrenaline rush wears off and you’re left in the same panic mode…

Does he actually like me?

3 days is a significant amount of time, but it’s not enough time to say it’s over. Most guys WILL come back to you as if nothing has happened.

Of course, if you’re impatient and simply can’t wait, then by all means, go and text him. If the limbo is killing you, then text him something light and breezy, not a heavy text asking him where he’s been.

If you’re used to making light banter, you could text him something funny (a meme or video will work OK). Or you could text him something based on an in-joke that the two of you share.

“I just saw X and it reminded me of that time when…”

Basically you don’t want to text anything that will scare him or make him feel like he’s letting you down in some way. Sometimes the reason a guy won’t text you is because they’re afraid of your reaction…

Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

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