how to act after you've slept with him

How to act after you’ve slept with him

So you had sex with him last night and now you’re wondering, “Will he call? Was this a one night stand? Is he interested in seeing me again?”

The first few days after you’ve just slept with a guy can be very confusing. He’s managed to get laid and now you’re wondering if that’s all he was after. 

While sometimes there’s little we can do about whether a guy is interested or not, there are things you can do to avoid seeming needy and encourage him to pursue you.  Here’s the lowdown on how to act after you’ve slept with him:

Stay for cuddles, but don’t outstay your welcome.

In the morning after you’ve had sex, you want him to know that you enjoy his presence. If you rummage around for your clothes while he’s sleeping and dash off before he can wake up, he’s going to think you probably aren’t interested and want nothing more than a one night stand.

So, if he’s down for it, stick around for some cuddles and chat in the morning. If he suggests breakfast then by all means, get breakfast. Don’t, however, outstay your welcome and lounge around his house all day. If he feels like you’re lingering around when he has stuff to be getting on with, then this is definitely going to give of a “needy” vibe.

Allow him to text you first

Once you’ve left his house, resist the urge to text him. No “I had a great time last night” texts or pictures of the lunch you just ate when you got home. Just leave it, give him space and allow him to reach out to you. 

Men like to chase, so give him 24 to 48 hours to text you. If after a few days you haven’t heard from him and you want to reach out then by all means do send a casual, lighthearted text. You never know, he may have his own insecurities about whether you’re into him, or he might have just been busy.

If, however, he’s pretty unresponsive, then take it as a hint that he wasn’t interested in anything more than a hookup. 

Don’t have expectations

Just because you had sex does not mean that either of you owe each other anything. So, remember to have zero expectations. He may have done the dirty with you, but that doesn’t mean he’s promised you a relationship. 

Mirror his actions

In the early stages, all you need to do is mirror his actions. If he texts you, text him back. If he suggests hanging out again, tell him you’d like that. Mirror the length of his texts too – no long essays if he’s only sent a short message. The idea is that you’re letting him lead the way.

Decide what you want

If he texts you suggesting that you come over to his house again for Netflix ‘n’ Chill or he booty calls you at 1am in the morning, decide if that’s what you actually want.

If you’re down to be fuck buddies or “friends with benefits” then embrace it, but if you are looking to date properly then don’t keep getting into bed with him in the hopes of something more.

Date #2: Meet him in public

If you’re looking for something more than a hookup then next time you see him, make sure he’s inviting you on a real date. It could be a walk in the park, a coffee, a romantic meal or a trip to the bowling alley; whatever it is, just make sure you’re seeing him in public and not just going over to his place for sex again. 

Be cool and relaxed in your conversations

If you’re wondering how to behave when you’ve had sex with him, just remember one thing: be relaxed. Sometimes it’s easier said than done but try to act like you did before you guys hooked up. Be funny, be flirtatious and have a sense of humor. 

Try not to have an agenda in your conversations and see how things go. As soon as a guy feels like you’re trying to get something out of him, that’s when he tends to pull away. Let the conversation flow and don’t constantly try to steer the conversation into discussions about meeting up or where things are headed. 

No chasing

If you’re worrying about whether to text him or trying to find ways to bump into him, stop. As a general rule, if you feel like you’re chasing, if in the pit of your stomach it feels wrong, it probably is. When a guy is into you, he’ll text and he’ll make sure to lock another date down. 

Go about living your life!

Hang out with your friends, focus on your work, keep doing your hobbies and dating so you’re not putting your eggs into one basked. It’s important to keep your life going so that you’re not obsessing over just one guy!

There’s no doubt that sex can often change things – sometimes it will bring people closer and other times it can change the dynamic and make people act really, really weird. But with the above tips at least you’ll be prepared to navigate those early stages after you’ve had sex.

Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

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