Well, well. A blog post has finally arrived, that – ‘to be fair’ – as they say in London, will probably do more to help you in your romantic quest than any other you may read. Why is that you say? Well – the truth of the matter is that when it comes to dating and intermingling with the fairer sex, shit can go sideways on you quickly.
One minute she is talking about how swell of a guy you are and all of the fun and exotic travel you two will enjoy together, and the next, you seem to have set fire to her favorite childhood dollhouse and are the cause of all the menstrual cramps of the world. Fuck you for living and all that jazz. So yeah, suffice to say, there is no way around having to deal with mixed signals and emotions whilst riding the female dating life’s roller coaster, unless you want to become a monk and eat bland porridge for the rest of your days.
However, that being said, learning how to act around women and maneuver changing emotional tides quickly will greatly help you in your romantic negotiations – whether dealing with an erratic love interest who’s attention feigns like the changing wind, or what to text or not to text in any given situation.
How to Be a Cool Guy
Maybe it was a growing up in the 90s thing, but when I was in school, all sorts of kids wore these W.W.J.D. (What Would Jesus Do) bracelets to school. Years later, I thought back on those little wrist reminders all the weird religious kids had but changed the meaning mentally to: ‘What Would James [Bond] Do’.
James Bond is the quintessential cool guy. He may be emotionally damaged and fictitious, but he is the epitome of cool nonetheless. In any given situation he always delivers the perfect line and exudes a vibe of utter confidence to assholish indifference, marking him as a solid rock in the mightiest of storms. Whenever I found myself in a situation with a lady where I didn’t know what to do, all I had to do was to think: What Would James Do? Or alternatively, what would a cool guy do in this situation?
The Social Gathering
You are at a social function where you meet a pretty girl who you manage to approach without seeming creepy. You both seem to get on well and she happens to share you enthusiasm for pet llamas – awesome. What should you do after the initial interaction ends? Seek her out and try to keep the conversation going to see what other ‘interests you share’? Try to ignore her, yet think of her constantly throughout the night with a weird grimace on your face?
What would James do? James would go on about his night being the socially savvy gent that he is. James wouldn’t lurk, or stare her down through his peripheral vision. He wouldn’t hope for another chance encounter. James would ‘let her go’, and let his goals of having fun and being social supersede any thought of an imaginary future with a woman he just met. Now the gut instinct of most guys is scarcity. So most guys would spend the night fearful some other guy there picking up the ‘dream girl they just met’ (they ‘imagine dream’ but that is for another post). What would James Bond think of all of this? Complete indifference, or perhaps even amusement or happiness that she found a guy she likes. What would be more likely to happen in the night? All of the rest of the weird, scarcity lurking guys would approach her, give off the ‘I-want-something-from-you’ vibe, and the lady in question would dream about banging James in the filthy bathroom. Note – said lady may act about the coitus in the bathroom scenario too, but only if the gentleman acts accordingly (indifferent/James Bond cool).
The Flake Out
You meet some hunny bunny on a dating app and are all set to meet up and she flakes. Should you tell her off for her shitty behavior? Or should you roll over and be accommodating and try to set it up for another time? What do you say when she writes you back a couple days later with some lame excuse and wants you to chase after her again?
What would James do? A cool guy like James wouldn’t be bother one bit. In fact, hopefully after thinking in terms just how a cool guy would act in general – with indifference and fun being his watch words – he would have set up the ‘date’ in a place that he would be going to anyway. He may have already met another lady in the process and didn’t lose a second in thought over ‘what her flaking means’. In response to her texts, he may say ‘Not a problem’ and leave it at that. He may say he is going to be at another function and invite her along, but he certainly wouldn’t tell her to ‘make it up to him’, and try hard at all. Remember, a cool guy doesn’t care. He would give her grace and the benefit of not giving her a hard time for her actions. He wouldn’t be reactive, but rather keep moving forward with his own actions, and perhaps even extend her an offer to join.
The Moody Chick
You are out with your girlfriend and she starts to get emotionally erratic (shocking right?). One minute she feels interested and excitable and the next she is pouncing on every little thing you do as annoying and accuses you of putting ‘words in her’ mouth and backs out of everything she ever said like a slippery DJTrump. What should you do? Do you give in to her and ask her what is wrong and walk on eggshells all day (more like 4-5 days, am I right?!)? Or do you take a firm line and start fighting back and fuel the firey dragon?
What would James do? James, as usual, wouldn’t get upset. James would be a rock and acknowledge that his lover is acting up and wouldn’t get nasty with her, nor would he be over accommodating. Rather, James would simply tell her that he doesn’t hang with people who are acting the way she is, and remove himself from the situation entirely (assuming it doesn’t happen in a situation where you can’t remove yourself…which it always seems to for some reason). Anyway, James has a limited amount of time and views his time as a his most sacred asset. So why would James tolerate shitty behavior from someone? Upon removing himself from the situation and seemingly destructing the event, James’ love interest will come back at him acknowledging her bad behavior – realizing that James can easily enjoy himself without her.
All of these scenarios above you can find endless blog posts and dating guru talk ad nausea about on the interwebs, but the fact of the matter is, you know what to do – because it is what James would do. When you find yourself in the social jungle and start to think W.W.J.D, you may just discover yourself slowing down, smiling, taking another sip of that dur whiskey…because cool guys aren’t reactive. They are James Bond. They are the catalyst, not the reaction. So the next time you find yourself struggling to remember a blog post on how to act around women – don’t. Just try to envision what James would do and you will know how tally forth young man.