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How to Approach a Guy you like when you are out

Wham…Bammm…hello there stud.

I know what is going through that beautiful mind of yours dear. All those inside female alarms bells are ding-a-ding-dinging for that hot, 5 o’clock shadowed stud that just came waltzing through the bar and into your life. Well – maybe not into your life, but in the imaginary wedding you already are playing in your head with that cute little flower girl flailing about after you. But that is an okay starting point – acknowledging your raw, feminine urges and that you like that man…that man right over there. Now, let’s actually dispense with the fiction and get that handsome gent into your real life.

While many women out there believe that men should make the first move, there is no reason that you can’t at least massage the path of least resistance for our aforementioned hopeful hero and make the likelihood higher that he will step up to the plate. You are modern woman after all. A gal with gumption. And gals with gumption know that behind every man of action, is a woman who made him do that action.

Now, let’s get back on track and to the point – you are reading this article because in all likelihood you suck at picking up dudes. You overreach and put them on the defensive because you read some bullshit article on busting his balls and you took it too far and now are a bit nervous about re-engaging. Or equally likely, you attempted to put him on the path to success and instead, inadvertently sent him the friend zone with a barrage of interview style questions. Or worse – he just thought you walked all the way across the bar to ask him for the time like some weirdo.

It happens ALL the time. But NO MORE. Not on my watch.

So, how do you approach a guy you like when you are out?

Okay – let’s first lay down some groundwork AKA


As general rule of thumb for most guys:

  • What is subtle to you is invisible to him. What is obvious to you is subtle to him. And what is obnoxiously obvious to you to the point that that it is embarrassing that this moron across from you is looking confused, is finally visible to him.

Yeah – we men can be dense.

  • There is a super fine line between gentle ball busting and aggressive, bar bitch. In fact, that line is so fine and frankly, so few can do it, it is far, far better to stroke his ego. Funny receives fewer points and it is harder to pull off than complimentary to men. Seriously. We want to be around women (people) that make us feel good. I blame moms. So let the compliment shower flow.
  • Flattery will get you everywhere. Seriously. Just try to avoid vague compliments like on his clothes as he will just shrug it off – think body, face, skill etc. .Keep in mind that women often don’t want to be thought of as a sex object – men do not have that same objection. Objectify away.

  • Guys feel more masculine and inspiration the more feminine the girl is, this is why the girl in a group of girls who is the most feminine will often get the most attention. Ergo, don’t be afraid to be feminine, smile, touch, and show interest. The guy will often take if from there. Femininity is much more than wearing heels.
  • Don’t be afraid to act a little nervous. Just smile and play into that ‘little girl nervousness’. It comes off as cute and gives the guy confidence.
  • Anything that makes him feel special and like you are doing things/treating him different (better) than the other guys there
  • If the interaction is going well, don’t be afraid to ask for his number. If he is vibing with you, he will gladly hand it over and it will help steer you clear of any friend zone misunderstandings.

Okay now that we have the basics of FLIRTING 101 down, it is time to…

Approach that cute guy

how to approach a guy you like

Let’s start with the warm up.

You see that tasty dish from across the room and you are shooting him eyes left and right. He seems to look back but you aren’t sure. To alleviate this confusion, make things feel more natural, and help you weed out some dude who looks good from afar but is in fact…how the French say – ”le basic”, you should warm him a up a little bit first when you approach. This may seem obvious, but the whole, going in with guns blazing and may take him off guard if you ask him out right away. It makes more sense, just as it would if the roles were reversed, to let things unfold in a natural way with some conversation to see how it goes. You can go over and ask any kind of opinion question.

If there is a group of guys, there also could be some confusion as to who you are looking at, and the guys may try to compete, or worse still, the guy you like ends up giving up to another chum in the group. To avoid being stuck with ‘laughs out loud to his own jokes guy’,  you can touch, flirt with, and give the indication (without outwardly vocalizing it) that Mr. Right is the 5 O’ Clock shadow hunk instead. You can also be a bit more of the ‘ball busty type’ when opening up a  group of fellas, but beware to keep it chill.

Things to look out for in the interaction & environment

When interacting with your target mysterious gentleman

  • Don’t be afraid to offer your phone number first before he asks.
  • The more “Direct approach”: Ask him out on a “date.” Actually say the word, “Date.” Hinting with men often doesn’t work. Again, we can be a bit thick skulled. The art of subtly is eludes the majority of us. Use your words and you could be on a date with him before you know it. Buyer beware though, directness does tend to work better in person.
  • Don’t be afraid to nudge the invite along. This includes if he is talking about a topic, ie a new bar, restaurant – you can mention how much you like such and such. You can even straight up suggest you go there in a ‘self-invite’ move.
  • You can employ the “Reminder” date, a follow-up message if you do snag his number about the aforementioned things you claimed to enjoy. “Hey, when are we going to that great bar you told me about?
  • If you are in bar that has any games, a very easy opener is to ask him how to play (if he is playing), or simply go over to Mr. Wonderful and ask him to play. You can say you are waiting for your girlfriend to show up or she doesn’t know how to play. This will give you a chance for him to impress you – and if he ends up being a dud, you saved yourself a lot of time.
  • Another strategies that you can use in the interaction is to bring up all sorts of  upcoming events: new movie, concerts, shows, etc. and naturally weaves them into the conversation.Sooner or later he will pique interest, and you can just ask him to meet up there on the spot.
  • Physical touching. Some guys learn to touch women in the an interaction, but frankly a lot of guys who are the kind of good guys you are looking for don’t violate your space without an invitation. So give him an invite. If you give him a touch her or there, he will notice and start to take more action if he is interested. Again, just give him a hello touch to let him know you are okay if he advances.

Where things go wrong

how to approach a guy you like

I think a lot of the failure that occurs when women do approach men, comes down to the girl assuming the man’s role during the whole interaction. This can sometimes look like a very interview-like or ‘sassy’ interaction, rather than giving the guy opportunities to become the man and be the leader. This is why ball busting doesn’t really work unless there is gentle femininity behind it (rare), it doesn’t really inspire the guy or give him confidence to lead. Even though technically, the female is the leader in this interaction since you are the one approaching the guy you like, you really are more like a puppet master, guiding the guy into a role that makes him naturally feel masculine and powerful (the leader). Again, the idea here is to put him on the path and let him think he is being the man. Give this cute little fella some confidence, alright?

Negative tactics

Also note, here are some other negative tactics girls may try (maybe their friend told them) to use attract guys, but they actually repel guys more often than not. Some of these are obvious, but hey, let’s get back to the basics. Avoid these:

  • Try to make him jealous. Flirting with other guys in front of him will 99% of the time just backfire. I know why you do it. You think this will show that you are a women who interests many men, but the reality is a lot of guys just think you like the other guy, or are a Ho-bag who gets up on every dude (ie a cocktease seeking attention). Yawn.
  • Be careful about complaining about the advances of other guys or creeps there. Again, I know you may think that you want to single out how you don’t like the others guys there. However, this may indicate to him that you just don’t want attention, physical or otherwise from men there, and he won’t want to be like the guys in your story.
  • Be openly critical of people/judgemental if he has a girlfriend. “Oh you are too good for her”…This is weird. How would you know if she is too good for him? Maybe she is incredible and the guy has the personality of a wet towel?

Anyway, as you can glean from this long, ranty post, there are lots of ways to approach men you like and things to look out for. But for the most part, approaching men is pretty simple and straightforward. Go forth, smile, be nice, flirt a little bit, and let me Mr. Hands in his Pants steps up to the plate. Your job here is just get him on the path to success and make it easy for him to pick you up.

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