Personally I don’t enjoy texting and messaging all that much. My fingers start to hurt, it distracts me from what I’m doing and I’d rather a message has a direct point, like “Do you want to go to dinner on Saturday?”.
However, I also recognise that texting is an important part of dating as it helps to build attraction and rapport in a very casual, non-pushy way.
In my parents’ day people would pick up the phone if they wanted to arrange a date but these days text messaging has become the social norm and therefore, to a lot of people, a phone call is akin to some sort of dating suicide, or at least early on.
There are 4 types of flirting communication:
Social media —> liking each other’s pictures, commenting on photos
Texting —> casual, flirty
Phone call —> intimate, shows investment
Speaking in real life —-> the best way to build intimacy
Ideally you want to progress to phone calls and speaking in real life…eventually. But first you have to start with messaging, which means learning how to flirt with a guy over text. The idea is to pique his interest, make him laugh and built his attraction enough that he’s hooked and wants to see you more often.
It can be fun, if done correctly, so here are some top tips for texting guys:
Remind him of a memory you both share
If you want to flirt with a guy, let him know you’re thinking about him. Talk about memories you’ve shared or remind him of funny things you’ve talked about in person.
Saying something like “That movie you told me about is just on TV, I love it!” shows that you’ve listened to what he’s saying and you’re taking an interest in something that he’s told you about. If you have a shared memory you could say “I just saw X and it reminded me of that time when (insert memory)!”
Make use of emojis…sparingly
Emojis are cute and flirty. You can’t really go wrong with a smiley faced emoji. Of course, don’t overdo it. There’s no need to put every single emoji into one text message. But the following ones are cute and adorable:
😉 😘 🤓 🤗
A wink face emoji can turn a sentence that seems quite serious into a jokey, fun and flirty comment.
Call him by name
Calling people by their first names makes them subconsciously feel closer to you. This applies to friendships, colleagues and dating. In Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People he writes, “If you want to win friends, make it a point to remember them. If you remember my name, you pay me a subtle compliment; you indicate that I have made an impression on you. Remember my name and you add to my feeling of importance.”
Successful people often make sure to remember people’s names. You shouldn’t be using his name in every single sentence but every once in a while, use your crush’s name in a text message.
Example: “I had a great time tonight too John, thanks for dinner!”
Give him things to visualise
Men are visual creatures, so if you want to know how to text a guy, simply give him something to visualise. For example, say you missed his text message or call. You could say something like, “Sorry, was just in the shower!”. Immediately he’s going to think about what you looked like in the shower. Or if he asks what you’ve been up to you could say, “I went shopping and tried on some bikinis for my vacation!” You don’t have to talk dirty to him – this is completely innocent and yet it will arouse him and get him to picture you naked.
Mirror the length of his texts
While some guys do like to write long, lengthy texts and get into deep texting conversations, some guys like to keep it short and sweet. It all depends on the person. If a guy messages you a “hey what’s up” text, this isn’t an invitation to write an essay on what you’ve been doing that day. When in doubt, try to mirror him. If he writes a short message, you write a short message. If he goes into more detail, you go into more detail. In general though, it doesn’t hurt to keep your messages short as it will give an air of mystery about you and invite him to ask more questions. Don’t give everything away up front, straight off the bat. Save some of the details for further into your conversation.
Let him chase you
Men like to hunt, so let him chase you. Try to let him do the asking where possible. Of course, I’m not saying you can’t ever suggest doing something, but let him take the lead and ask you out on a date. You can drop subtle hints or guide him in the right direction if he’s a bit shy or you feel like he’s not sure if you’re interested.
Be funny and tease him
You don’t have to be the world’s funniest comedian but a little humour will go along way. Also, a little bit of playful teasing always helps!
Be direct, in the right moments
A guy I dated used to tell me that my text style turned him on because I was so direct. For example, he’d say something like “Can I see you tomorrow night?” and I would just say “Yes”. That was it. He said there was something quite sexy about my very direct, one word answers.
Leave the conversation first
What not to do
Don’t try too hard – Texting should be fun, casual and friendly. Let the guy do the asking and invite you on a date.
Avoid double texting – On the rare occasion, a double text is necessary. But in general, don’t text him, then text him again, and again. If he’s not texting back, give it space and time. Don’t become a text gnat, this will only come across as needy and push him away.
Try not to send boring texts – Messages like “hey, how are you?” are pretty boring. Try to have a purpose when sending a message, or make him laugh with witty conversation.
Don’t have the last word – Want to keep a guy wanting more? Don’t be the last one to text. If the conversation feels like it’s fizzling out and his last message doesn’t require a response, just leave it and don’t send a reply. The key to texting is to end the conversation on a high note.
Make sure you’re not always initiating – Guys like to chase and so let him do the chasing, especially in the beginning. Let him be the one to text you first – this way you’ll know he’s interested! If you keep initiating texts he may reply out of politeness but you won’t know for sure if he likes you. So many women say “But if I don’t text him he’ll probably never text me!” Well if that’s the case then you’re chasing after the wrong guy…Of course it’s OK to initiate once in a while, but preferably when you’ve gotten to know each other better.
Signs your flirting is working
If your guy is replying to your messages straight away then it is definitely working.
If he’s flirting back and adding humour, then it’s also a great sign that things are going your way.
However if you feel like he’s taking a long time to answer or he’s giving you very short responses and not really engaging, then it’s a sign that he’s either not interested or he’s got other things on his mind right now. In this case, it might be time to let go and focus your attention on other people/things.
Texting should be fun and lighthearted, so don’t spend your time analysing every text or beating yourself up for saying/doing the wrong thing.
It’s not always easy to be funny and flirty and it doesn’t always come naturally to some. So just do your best, send the text and don’t worry too much about his responses.