Boyfriend dumped you? While it’s not guaranteed that you can get him back you can take the right actions to minimize any damage that’s been caused already and set yourself up for success.
Even if you’ve begged, pleaded and cried when he ended it, you can still fix this! But first, here are some things you need to do to get your ex boyfriend back fast.
Don’t do anything
Yes I know this is probably not want you want to hear. You want to do something, ANYTHING to get him back again.
No matter what was done or what was said, or who broke up with who. Don’t make any rash decisions or do something you’ll regret.
You may feel like keying his car, contacting his parents to tell them what a POS he is or showing up at his place to convince him to take you back, but please don’t.
If you have to get a friend to take your phone away from you for a while so you won’t text him, then do it.
You actually have the power
Since he’s dumped you, you probably feel like he’s in control and you’re the helpless loser in this situation. But actually, now that it’s over, he doesn’t have you any more.
Initially he had the power as he did the dumping. But now that part is over with. For the first few days he’s going to feel free and perhaps excited to be single again, but that soon wears off.
After a while he will start to realize there’s a void in his life.
You now have the power, because if he does try to come back, you are the one who gets to decide whether you’ll actually take him back. Remember that!
Remember people want what they can’t have
It’s basic human psychology: people want what they can’t have. Your boyfriend knows what it’s like to be with you, so now you need to let him experience what it’s like to not have you around anymore. My guess? Once he’s had a few days, weeks or months of singledom he may realize that living the single life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Once he doesn’t have you anymore, he’ll start to wonder what you’re up to and what you’re doing. He’ll start to miss you and even wonder if you’re seeing someone else. If you’re living your best life and he’s not sure if you even want him anymore, this will make him want to chase you again.
Implement the no contact rule immediately
The no contact rule is super simple – you don’t contact him. I you’re calling and texting he’s not going to have a chance to miss you. So now you go MIA and cut contact.
By doing this you’re acting with dignity, maturity and acceptance. You’re indicating that you accept that it’s over.
He’ll probably expect you to blow up his phone, but you’re going to do the opposite. Soon he’ll be surprised that you’re not texting him!
This time minimizes any further damage and gives him chance to realize the gravity of his decision. It also gives you time to heal, to move on and to feel good about yourself.
The no contact rule should be done for a minimum of 3 weeks but in my opinion, you should do it indefinitely until he contacts you.
You’re probably thinking… “but what if he doesn’t contact me?” 9 times out of 10 the guy does. It might take only days or it may take weeks (men tend to take a much longer time to process things) but it’s most likely that he will contact you, even if it’s just to see how you are.
NO Begging or convincing
Under no circumstances does begging and convincing work. Do you really want to be with someone that you guilt tripped into being with you? You want them to want to be with you, which means you need to create space for them to miss you and spark their desire for you again. So forget the waterworks or essay texts or knocking on his door at 2am. Walk away and go radio silent.
Work on you
At this point life sucks. But now is the time to dust yourself off and become the best version of yourself. This part is for you. As Rocky said: “It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”
Forget the rom coms or sad music. Watch as many motivational videos as you can.
Focus on something to take your mind off things. It could be designing a website for your business idea, taking acting classes or learning how to trade stocks.
I find that doing something constructive is actually THE best way to get over a breakup.
Many people binge drink and party but that often ends up making you feel worse. Alcohol is a depressant, so not only do you wake up with a headache and a stonking hangover, but you also just feel even more sad about your breakup.
Trying to socialize with people before you’re ready can also make you feel worse. It’s extremely difficult to sit in a restaurant with a group of friends when you feel really, really shitty. It sucks for them and it sucks for you.
Instead, I’d suggest one-on-one meet ups with friends and just taking the time to do nice things. Take a bath, cook a nice meal, go for walks or take up a new hobby – whatever makes you feel good about yourself.
Refresh your look & post a photo or two on social media
If you haven’t had your hair done in a while go get your hair done. Get some exercise, buy some new clothes and maybe switch up your make-up. Clean your apartment. Even if you feel rotten on the inside, you’ll be glowing on the outside and turning heads. And you know what they say…fake it till you make it!
You never know, you may attract a new, even better guy!
Since you and your ex are in the no contact phase, the only way for him to see what you’re doing is to post something on social media. DON’T post millions of stories and photos and definitely don’t post pictures of you out drunk or with other guys.
Be selective. Post a photo or two of you looking great, but only occasionally. He’ll see that you’re doing well without him but he won’t feel thinking you’re posting all the time just to get attention.
If you do something fun like taking a trip abroad or going to a concert, post that too! Let him see you’re doing cool things that you perhaps didn’t do when you were together.
You don’t need to unfriend him on social media but you can mute him, which means you won’t see his stories or posts. This is great, firstly because you won’t see what he’s doing which gives you a chance to try to forget about him. If you’re being reminded of him every day it’s going to be harder. Secondly, if he checks who views his stories he’ll realize you’re not viewing them anymore. He’s getting zero attention from you at all.
Wait for him to contact
As I mentioned previously I think it’s always best to wait till the guy contacts you. The reason I say this is because if he contacts you you know for sure that he is thinking about you and he might be interested in getting back together. If you do the contacting, it puts you in a much weaker position. You won’t know if he’s replying just to be nice or whether he actually misses you too. So go radio silent and wait for him to text.
Keep conversation light and don’t give away too much
When he does contact you, don’t bring up the things that went wrong in the relationship or anything that happened with the breakup. That’s in the past and you certainly don’t want to remind him of the reasons he broke up with you. Instead, keep things light and breezy. Don’t send long essays and keep your responses a similar length to his. You want to reveal some information but also keep your life a little bit of mystery so you can seduce him all over again.
If you have in-jokes or shared memories then you can try to incorporate those into the conversation. The point is to keep it light hearted, flirty and fun. Imagine you’re starting the relationship all over again. Make it clear you have a busy and fulfilling life so he can see that you don’t need him.
If he doesn’t contact in over a month, you can send a casual text
As I said before I think it’s best to hold out until he contacts you, and he will. But if you haven’t heard from him in a month you can send a text. You never know, he may have wanted to reach out but didn’t pluck up the courage to message you. If he texts back you want to try to gauge his interest. If his answers are super short then he may not be interested in chatting. If however he engages in conversation and asks questions, this may be a sign that he’s happy to hear from you.
The past is in the past…
The great thing about no contact is it allows him to forget about your bad habits, the things that went wrong and the drama that happened when it ended. Breakups are horrible and he won’t want to feel those heavy feelings all over again. So keep the past in the past and let things lie.
If he broke up with you because you were constant drama or needy or jealous etc, you need to show him that those things will no longer be an issue.
Think of it as a completely new relationship starting from scratch.
Work up to a meetup
While you’re chatting you want to work up to a phone call, maybe a FaceTime or two and then hopefully a meeting in person. Take things slowly and don’t seem too eager to jump straight to meeting up. If he suggests it then great but if not then you want to casually suggest a meetup with no pressure. When you finally meet up, take your time getting ready so you feel your best self!
Don’t hop straight back into bed with him
Getting him to talk to you is the easy part, the hardest part is what happens after. Guys will often come back but it doesn’t mean that they want a relationship with you again. Some men just come back because they haven’t had sex in a while and they’re feeling horny. It’s up to you to make him wait until you’ve established whether he wants to give things another go. When you meet up don’t get drunk and hop into bed with him. Have an honest conversation about how you both feel and where things are headed.
Make him work for it!
He has to see that you’re not desperate to be back together and that you are OK with or without him. In the process of getting back together it’s a delicate time, so be available to him sometimes but not all the time. Things should be on your terms, so make him work for it!