21 Jan How to Have a Conscious Relationship
The other day I came across an article about the concept of “conscious relationships” – the idea that two people focus on growth, both individually and as a couple. Now I’m not usually a fan of these newfangled terms (remember when Christ Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow said they were “consciously uncoupling”?) but I do like the idea behind it.
As someone who is constantly working on personal growth I think it’s good when partners can learn to grow together and constantly fine tune things, making improvements.
Here’s how to have a conscious relationship:
Set the intention of growth
Both of you have to actively decide to set the intention of growth. Growth as individuals and growth as a couple. It is not about the “destination” as a couple but rather the journey that you both take. Instead of being in a relationship just to satisfy your own needs, you’re committed to a sense of purpose. Instead of feeling stuck, you’re both willing to evolve and move forward. The idea is not to fantasise about how the relationship will turn out but instead, focus on the relationship itself.
Realise there are no constraints
I think sometimes one of the things that makes me a little bit afraid of commitment is the fear that it will constrain me in some way, and I’m sure the majority of us feel that. Many of us feel like we were meant to be actors/rock stars/rocket scientists, and that somehow a relationship will hinder that or hold us back.
But in a conscious relationship, you remember you are both free to express yourselves, to pursue your hopes and dreams, and to support each other’s goals along the way. The relationship is encouraging growth and supporting your future, not constraining it. With a conscious relationship, you become stronger as a pair then you could ever be on your own.
Identify negative patterns and change them
Every human on this planet has certain negative traits that we have learned from our parents and from our upbringings. Nobody is perfect. The trick is to identify the types of negative traits that can eventually eat away at a relationship and change them. It’s not always easy. Being in a relationship brings out all sorts of very confusing feelings/behaviours in people, things they never knew were inside of them. The trick with having a conscious relationship is working through these together. Identifying them, working on them and building a stronger foundation of love, support and trust. With time and work, it is possible to achieve.
Be honest about who you are
Part of being intimate with someone is being able to express who you are as a person. Your likes, your dislikes, your sexual fantasies, your hopes and your dreams. Sometimes opening and up and telling someone what you truly like can be scary and it can be a little bit embarrassing. Perhaps you won’t even realise what you like yourself until you actually say it out loud. But allowing yourself to be truly vulnerable with someone can allow you to grow stronger as an individual and closer as a couple.
Most of all, love
It sounds like an obvious one, but love each other. Remember to always come from a place of love and to not be afraid to demonstrate love at every opportunity. Express forgiveness, be able to apologise, to acknowledge your own faults and where you think you’ve made mistakes. Sometimes it’s hard to go there. It can be hard to let yourself love, to trust, to take a risk and put yourself in the vulnerable position of loving someone. But the reward is love – a deep kind of love.