How to stop obsessing over a guy

How to stop obsessing over a guy you slept with

So you’ve met this guy and suddenly, he’s all you can think about. You’re thinking about how your first name sounds with his last name, what your kids would look like and whether he’d prefer more of a beach wedding or a church wedding.

Or perhaps you’ve known him for a while but you’re obsessing over why he hasn’t called, or whether he wants a relationship.

The problem is, those obsessive thoughts can become intrusive and turn a perfectly sane, successful and smart young woman into a nervous wreck. These habits can soon eat away at a new relationship, or leave you feeling disappointed before it even gets off the ground.

So if you’re wondering how to stop obsessing over a guy you slept with, we have some tips for you:

Avoid social media stalking

Yes we know you want to go through his Instagram, then figure out which girls he follows, then click on their profiles to see if he liked any of their pictures lately. DON’T go down that rabbit hole. The more you look, the more you’ll find, but it’s easy to start making 1 + 1 = 5 and coming to conclusions when you don’t know what’s really going on. So save yourself the stress and the hassle and stop looking back through his Facebook photos from when he was at college in 2012. Yes we all do a little bit of stalking from time to time but when you’re obsessively looking at his photos of a family vacation five years ago you’re making your brain feel like you know him more than you actually do. Step away from social media and remember that it’s not all real.

Stop talking about him to your friends

As women we tend to gossip and chat with our friends. At brunch or dinner guys are usually the #1 topic of conversation. We talk about why he’s texting us if he’s not interested, whether our ex is going to come back or ask our friends what we should do in this particular situation. But the more air time you give to the problem, the more obsessed you start to become. And to be really honest, getting all these different thoughts and ideas from your friends can lead to even more paranoia and confusion! This is probably one of the reasons why men obsess less – because they aren’t talking about it with their friends all the time.

Try having a meet up with your friends where you refuse to talk about boys and instead, talk about other things. Anything – makeup, clothes, funny things you’ve seen on TV, memories you share…You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel!

Keep focused on work

Have you noticed that when you’re super busy with work or a deadline that all thoughts about him seem to go out of the window? Try to distract yourself with work as much as possible and engage your brain in difficult tasks. If you don’t have much going on in your life then it’s easy to start letting your mind wander and obsess over a guy all the time, but when you’re truly busy, there’s less time for that. If you don’t have a job right now to keep you busy, try completing a jigsaw puzzle or playing video games. It keeps your mind occupied and focused for long periods of time.

Revisit your passions

Imagine if you took all that time you spent obsessing over this one guy and you focused that on your passion…something you really love doing. Just think of what you could achieve. I know you’ve heard it before but focusing on your hobbies and interests is the way forward.

Get some perspective

Sometimes when I’m obsessing over someone I try to imagine what would happen if I found out I had just a week to live, or if I was on my deathbed. What would I think about all the time I had wasted obsessing over someone when I could have just enjoyed the world around me? It’s important to get some perspective and remember all the other times you obsessed over a guy. Did it help the situation? Probably not.

Limit your daydreaming

It’s fine to do a little bit of daydreaming about him but don’t let it take up most of your day. Try to limit yourself to say, 30 minutes at the end of the day, where you can think about his dreamy eyes and sexy body. Outside of that time you’re not allowed to think about him and if you do, you can give yourself a forfeit, such as having to do 10 push ups.

Put your phone away

Why isn't he texting me back

We’re all guilty of being glued to our phones and it’s easy to start constantly checking your phone to see if he’s called or answered your text message. Leave your phone in a different room for a while or do an activity where you can’t check it. For example you could go camping where there’s no signal or leave your phone in a locker at the gym.

Try not to think into the future

You don’t know what the future will hold, so why try to predict it? Live in the present moment and focus on what is happening right now. Appreciate the friends and family you have around you and be grateful for the little positive moments that happen in your life on a daily basis.

Remember his flaws

Humans aren’t perfect and neither is he. Try to remember that he has flaws and whenever you find yourself romanticising, stop and remember his negative traits. Recall the bad things that have happened, not just the good. If you don’t know him all that well, just give yourself a reality check and don’t put him on a pedestal. What makes him so amazing? You’re pretty amazing too.

Chat to other people

If you’re not sure if he’s interested, perhaps it’s best not to put all your eggs in one basket. Most guys tend to like to keep their options open, so maybe you should too. Try socialising as much as you can and going on dates with other people to distract yourself from focusing on just the one guy.

Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

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