27 Aug How to stop wasting time on the wrong guys
So you’ve had a string of bad dates or failed “almost” relationships. You’re starting to wonder – are all guys just jerks? Deep down you know this isn’t the case, but it’s incredibly disappointing to find that you keep attracting the same men over and over again, just disguised with different appearances and job descriptions.
If you don’t want to waste any more time, the answer is to really take a long hard look at what you’re doing.
What if YOU are the reason you keep attracting the wrong men?
Only you can change, not the people you’re meeting or dating. So if you’re ready to alter your dating habits, here are some valuable tips to help you stop wasting time on the wrong guys…
Don’t get intimate too soon
Sex releases all this oxytocin and bonding hormones which causes us to become attached too quickly. Sleep with a guy to soon and it’s easy to get caught up on this high of oxytocin and dopamine that causes us to be irrational. Before you know it, you’re all drugged up on romance and you fail to see all the red flags, or at least, you choose to ignore them. Next time you meet someone, take it easy to begin with so you can see if you’re suited to each other. You might find he has a bunch of annoying traits that you would have completely ignored if you’d jumped into bed with him on the first date.
Watch what he does, not what he says
One thing I’ve discovered about men is that they love future faking. This is typically when a guy will give you false hopes about the future by dropping things into the conversation. For example, they may talk about their favourite restaurant and say, “Maybe I’ll take you there some day”, yet they have absolutely no intention of getting past date three.
As women we tend to listen to everything a guy says and hang onto the pieces of information that we want to believe. For example, a guy may be treating you as nothing more than a booty call, yet you’ll hold onto that one time when they said they love you while drunk.
If a guy is wrong for you, his actions won’t match his words, so remember to watch what he does and take what he says with a pinch of salt.
If he’s breadcrumbing you, cut him off
There’s always that one guy who goes off the radar, then just as you’ve forgotten about him, he pops back up again. All he has to do is say something completely noncommittal, like “Hey, how are you?” and all of a sudden your heart’s pounding and you’re thinking, “Well maybe he does really like me after all!” The term for this is breadcrumbing and it’s one of the shittiest things a guy can do. This guy will never change – he will keep coming back when he’s bored and wants his ego stroking. If you’re looking for a relationship, don’t give this guy the satisfaction of a reply, just cut him off today. He keeps coming back because you’re allowing him to and he doesn’t have to put in any effort.
Does he put you first?
A great way to tell if a guy is right or wrong for you, is by looking at whether he treats you as a priority. If he asks your opinion before making a decision, or goes out of his way to make plans with you, then these are all signs that he really likes you. However if he’s selfish and you’re low on his list of priorities at the moment, then it’s a sign he’s probably not the right guy for you. If he’s into you, he’ll go out of his way to show it. Yes, he may be busy with work right now, but if he met the right woman it wouldn’t stop him from pursuing it.
Look at the bigger picture
He may be sexy and you guys might have chemistry, but do you guys have the same values? If you take some time to get to know him without sleeping together, you may find out that actually, you don’t have the goals for the future. Im not suggesting you ask him if he wants marriage and kids on the first date, but when you get to know him, look to see if he has the same values.
It’s not just about discovering you both hate cereal or you both love Game of Thrones. I’m talking about going deeper than that. Do you have similar backgrounds, beliefs and world views? Or, when you look closer do you realise that you don’t have as much in common as you might think?
Follow your intuition
With hindsight it’s much easier to spot all those red flags that told you he wasn’t the right one. But if you’re completely honest with yourself, you probably saw those warning signs early on, you just didn’t want to admit it to yourself. Next time you find yourself in a dating situation and you notice a major red flag, save yourself the time and throw that fish back in the sea. We all have intuition, it’s just about learning how to follow it.
It’s not always easy to look at things rationally when dating, but just remember: the quicker you identify the wrong guys for you, the closer you are to finding Mr. Right. Instead of wasting time on the wrong guys, you’ll be emotionally available and open to meeting a guy who’s right for you.