If its meant to be it will be

“If it’s meant to be, it will be” is a pile of BS

“If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

How many times have you heard that phrase?

It’s a favourite saying amongst friends when someone is trying to get over a breakup, or when they’re obsessing over a situation with a guy. It’s also commonly said when someone is waiting to hear back from a job interview, or when they’re waiting to hear if they’ll get into a particular university.

There are obviously various ways you could interpret this sentence. Does it imply that we can all just put in as little effort as possible, sit back and do nothing, and the universe will bring the right person to us at the right time?

Does it mean we should still go out and hustle and put ourselves out there, but if it doesn’t work out, well “it was just not meant to be?”

Quite frankly, I’m tired of hearing that sentence because it implies there’s a sense of fate or destiny as to who we’re meant to be with. It suggests that God or The Universe has a plan and that if it doesn’t work out with someone, well it was not written in the plan.

Essentially, it’s implying that life is predetermined and it goes agains the concept of free-will.

The issue I have with this phrase is that people around the world can tell themselves their relationships didn’t work out because “fate” had something different in store. It absolves them of wrongdoing and allows them to excuse their behaviour.

If it’s meant to be, it will be?

What if actually, it would have been, had you altered your behaviour?

Let’s say you meet someone and really like them, and they like you. But you play it too cool because you’re afraid of coming across as too keen. They aren’t sure if you are interested, so they date someone else and end up marrying that person. Was it “meant to be” with that other person? Or did you miss out because you didn’t actively express enough interest?

Or, what if you met a really amazing guy who is into you in the beginning but you start exhibiting needy behaviour. What if you start pressuring him when he needs space? Was it not meant to be with him either? Or did your actions actually push him away?

The point I’m making is that every decision you make in life, big or small, shapes your future. There are an infinite number of possibilities for your life.

I could argue that had I not dated a web designer I wouldn’t have ever got the idea to start a blog and found the career that I’m in. I could choose to believe that although we had an awful breakup, it was “meant to happen this way” because I ended up doing this. But what if really, life is just a bunch of random events. What if I would have gone on to have an equally awesome career but in another field?

We just don’t know what our lives would be like if we had done things differently. You could take a different path and go down a different road and you’ll never ever know.

Our actions do have meaning. So it’s important to start living your life with purpose. If things haven’t worked out for you yet, maybe it’s time to start taking the necessary actions to have the kind of relationships you want.

This goes for life too. Work hard to nail that job interview. Go out and hustle. Get the career you want. Start your own business if you want to. Never give up and don’t hide behind the “If it’s meant to be, it will be” mentality. Go out and get the things you want.

I understand why this phrase is appealing and comforting to many people, especially with relationships. It makes them feel better and allows them to be more passive.

But I prefer to believe that if you start to make positive changes in your life and take action, you can create the future you want.

Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

1Comment
  • Upwealthy
    Posted at 07:18h, 06 June Reply

    Wonderful thought and very helpful. A must read for everyone. Thanks for sharing.

Post A Comment