ignore him to get him

Ignore him to get him

Men have a habit of blowing hot and cold and even pulling away before they commit. It’s frustrating, but it’s true. If you chase a guy or seem like you have an agenda, he’ll most likely run.

But have you ever ignored a guy for a few hours or forgotten to text him back for a day? All of a sudden he’s double texting and wondering where you are. Ignoring a man can drive him wild, make you seem less available and have him chasing you again.

Why ignoring works

The other day a friend of mine (let’s call her Jessica) called me saying she was feeling very upset because the guy she’s newly dating promised to call her at a particular time and then didn’t. She felt really let down.

She messaged him asking if he fell asleep and got no response. He had mentioned going out for a drink so suddenly she had all these wild images of him out with guys and meeting other women.

Her typical reaction in the past had been to get really mad and express that she didn’t like feeling let down. In the early stages of dating, she was basically responding to men with vinegar and therefore coming across like she was simply too much work.

Yes, those men weren’t living up to her standards and letting her down. But by acting “salty” as I call it, she was scaring them off. She thought she was expressing her standards but in fact she was pushing them away.

Now, I am also someone who feels naturally let down when someone doesn’t do something they said they would. However, I learnt to remember that in the early stages of a relationship, the other person is not my boyfriend and has no obligation to me.

So I started to change my mindset. How would I feel if the shoe was on the other foot? If I forgot to call because something else came up, would I want the guy to be bitchy, or would I want him to be chill and cool? Definitely the latter.

However there is a fine line between being cool and being a doormat, which is why ignoring is often the best response there is.

You see, if there’s one thing I’ve learnt over the years, it’s that men tend to hate being communicated with. Trying to communicate with a guy using words just doesn’t really work. You have to show him with actions, so what action can you take when he doesn’t behave in a way you like?

You ignore and don’t reward them.

“Should I ignore him for a while?” Jessica asked me.

I told here to take a deep breath and remember that things happen and that perhaps her guy lost track of time hanging out with friends or he fell asleep. I also asked her to examine why him missing one phone call caused her to have such a strong reaction. Perhaps a sign that her world is starting to revolve too much around him (and that’s a topic for another post).

We then decided that the best thing to do would be to ignore for a little bit. Not a long time. But when he messaged her she would read his message and not reply (at least not straight away).

“Hiiiii”

His text popped up on her phone screen. Not exactly giving her much to work with, so she ignored and left him on read.

Two hours later, he said he was sorry, he fell asleep.

She ignored again.

Before long, he was telling her how much he missed her and sending her love hearts. At this point she responded casually, keeping it short, until eventually he called her and they got back to talking as normal. He even bought her a gift!

This is just one example of how ignoring can work. It can also work if you’re dealing with a guy who pulled away and disappeared for a while.

It can work well if he said he wasn’t sure about having a relationship you. You can even use it if you’ve been stuck in the friend zone. If you guys were already in a relationship and broke up, you can even ignore him to get him back. Ignoring sends a guy crazy and makes him strive to get your attention again.

I know some people will say this is game playing but let me ask you something….has what you’ve been doing so far worked for you? If it had, you probably wouldn’t be finding yourself on this page.

Ignoring is something even parents do. If a child is behaving like a brat and behaving badly to get attention, sometimes ignoring is the best tactic because it’s not feeding the bad behavior.

The same goes in dating. If the guy does something you don’t like, giving him attention (positive or negative) will only reward him and possibly encourage the bad behavior even further.

The key is to have a life that is so full, it doesn’t really even feel like you’re ignoring them, you’re simply living your life. That’s why it’s advisable to be dating other men, planning days out with your friends, getting on with building your business or whatever you like to do. Then it’s not a game at all.

And if he contacts you and says something of value, if he starts chasing you and putting in effort, then you can respond in a casual yet warm way. You’re not going to question him on where he was or have a go at him, you’re simply going to show you were busy living your life.

And if he doesn’t step up to the plate? Well you didn’t lose anything anyway.


Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

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