my boyfriend never buys me flowers

My boyfriend never buys me flowers

Love flowers but your boyfriend never buys them for you? This seems to be a common complaint among women. Perhaps your friend is always receiving flowers from her boyfriend or you’ve seen guys giving girls flowers in the movies. You start to think….”where are mine?”

There are multiple reasons why a guy might not buy you flowers, which I’ll cover in the article. It’s important to remember though that not receiving flowers doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Men often show their love in other ways and it’s important to look at your relationship as a whole, not based on one thing.

Reasons he might not buy you flowers

They’re expensive

Flower arrangements can be expensive, especially if you have them delivered to the house or someone’s place of work. Obviously there’s nothing stopping him from buying a cheaper bunch in Trader Joe’s or some other grocery store. But in general, nice bouquets from florists can cost money. He may prefer to spend money on other things, such as taking you for dinner. If he’s concerned about money or he’s just plain frugal then he may think they’re too expensive to buy on a regular basis, especially as they die quite quickly.

They die

Personally I’ve never been a fan of flowers as gifts because I have to find something to put them in and then shortly after, they die. I’d rather have a plant or succulent, which will last much, much longer. So perhaps your boyfriend sees them as a waste of money, even if you yourself like receiving them.

You have different love languages

According to Gary Chapman there are five love languages. They are:

  • Quality time (spending time together)
  • Words of affirmation (hearing words like “i love you” or “you’re so sexy”)
  • Acts of service (someone doing practical things for you)
  • Gifts (someone giving you gifts)

If you feel upset because your boyfriend doesn’t buy you flowers, ask yourself whether your love language might be “gifts”. If you’re the type of person who likes to give gifts and you feel most loved when people buy you gifts, then it’s highly likely that that’s your love language.

It could be that your boyfriend simply doesn’t have the same love language as you. He may show his love for you in other ways, perhaps by fixing your car, making coffee for you in the morning or taking the dog for a walk when you’re stressed. This would make him an “acts of service” person.

bouquet of flowers

He’s not romantic

It really depends what type of man you’re dating but some men feel uncomfortable with displays of romance. If you’re the type who needs big romantic gestures in your life, then it might be time to rethink your compatibility. Otherwise, sometimes you have to accept that it just isn’t something that’s in their comfort zone.

He thinks flowers are only for special occasions

Many people associate flowers with special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries, or even as a “make up” gift after a fight. Are you expecting him to buy you flowers “just because” or does he never give you flowers at all, even on special occasions?

He doesn’t have to win you over any more

Men sometimes buy flowers in the early stages because they’re trying to woo the girl. They put a lot of effort in in the beginning to try to win you over but once you become their girlfriend they get comfortable and they don’t feel the need to keep buying flowers.

He’s busy and preoccupied

Perhaps he’s stressed at work or preoccupied with other things going on in his life. It could be that the thought simply hasn’t crossed his mind. If you know he’s under a lot of pressure then it’s a good idea to cut him a bit of slack about these things.

Things between you aren’t going too well

Of course there’s the possibility that things aren’t going well in your relationship. Perhaps you have a lot of arguments or you sense him pulling away. Maybe he’s not responsive to your texts and he has less time for you. If he’s not feeling happy in the relationship then he may not feel motivated to buy you flowers or do other things for you.

He just wasn’t raised that way

Men to learn these things from their fathers, their peers and their guy friends. If he’s been surrounded by men who never give flowers to their wives or girlfriends, then where would he have learnt to do it?

How to get him to buy you flowers

If you love having flowers around the house and he doesn’t buy them for you, then perhaps it’s time to treat yourself and buy yourself some flowers!

Alternatively, if you’d like him to buy them for you, then perhaps it’s time to just say it straight up, “next time it’s a special occasion, I’d really like some flowers as my gift. I love having flowers around the house and they make me happy”.

Alternatively, if you’d like to keep it more subtle; next time a family member or friend sends you flowers on your birthday, make a point of saying how much you love receiving flowers.

Another way to go about it would be to go shopping with your boyfriend and make a point to visit a flower shop or the flower aisle in the grocery store. Choose some flowers together for the house and tell him how much you love flowers. Ask him what his favorite type of flower is and tell him which is yours. This way, he knows what type of flowers to get you and he’ll remember that you really like having flowers around the house.

Bottom line

At the end of the day, it’s important to look at how he treats you. If he doesn’t buy you flowers but he’s there for you, listens to you, spends quality time with you and displays his love in other ways, then does it really matter in the grand scheme of things if he buys you flowers? If on the other hand your boyfriend never does anything nice for you and you feel taken for granted then perhaps it’s best to think about whether you’re compatible in the long run. Of course, generosity goes both ways too. Do you buy your boyfriend gifts or do little things to show you’re thinking of him?

Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

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