06 Feb How to Tell Him You’re Mad Without Sounding Needy
So he’s done something you don’t like and you’re feeling angry or upset about it. Its tempting to just try to bottle up those feelings because you don’t want to rock the boat and risk losing him. But the problem with that is, you feel worse inside and he may actually have less respect for you in the long run.
If you suppress your feelings in order to please a guy, you’ll usually become less attractive to him. Guys don’t want to date a pushover, so it’s also important to assert boundaries and to be able to express your anger when you feel it. The trouble is, how do you tell him you’re not happy with his behaviour without coming across as someone who’s emotionally needy?
Here’s how to tell him you’re mad without sounding needy:
Firstly, take a deep breath
The worst time to express your anger is when you’re actually angry. These are the times when you’re likely to say something you regret. If when you’ve calmed down you feel it’s something you need to discuss, then at least you can talk about it in a calm and rational manner.
Establish why you are mad at him
Take a deep breath and try to examine why you are angry. Is it something he did, or is it more a reflection of how you feel inside?
For example, if you feel he isn’t texting you enough, perhaps it is a sign that you don’t have enough going on in your life. In that case it might be time to call up some friends or take up a new hobby to keep yourself busy.
If you’re angry it’s really easy to start blaming the other person for things they’ve done. But if a guy feels blamed it’s likely he’ll retreat further and pull away. So the best thing to do is to express your concerns in a neutral manner.
Use ‘I’ statements
Instead of saying ‘you did this’ and ‘you did that’, try to phrase things with ‘I’ statements. If you do this you’re not placing blame on him, you’re simply stating what you feel. For instance you could say “I would like it if we spent more time together” as opposed to “You never spend any time with me”. See the difference?
Tell him how it makes you feel
Try to state the specific thing they’ve done that is bothering you. Guys need the specifics. Then tell him how it makes you feel.
“When you cancelled on our date on Saturday it made me feel upset and disappointed”.
If a guy does something you don’t like you can also tell him it is a “turn off” for you. Men like to think of themselves as sexually attractive, so if you tell him you’re turned off, it will immediately make them want to do things that turn you on.
Ask for his thoughts and Listen
Once you’ve stated how you feel about the situation, ask him for his perspective and what he thinks of the situation. This way you are inviting him to give his opinion, as opposed to just shouting him down.
The important thing to do is listen to what he actually has to say, then work out a solution together. Remember you are supposed to be a team so this is not a battle.