03 Mar ASK A GUY: Why Do Guys Ghost Women? Confessions from Serial Ghosters
‘Arggghhh what the fuck happened to this guy?!?!’
Here’s the scene, you been seeing a guy for weeks – dates, cuddling, footsy under the table, sex, the whole shebang – and out of the blue…poof. He disappears like a phantom, never to be heard or seen again. You my friend have been ghosted. It is an awful, gut wrenching feeling. Not only are you let go, but like some emotionless, corporate office gig, HR doesn’t bother to tell you the real reason they let you go or didn’t let you in the door to begin with. You are left playing the guessing as to why Mr. Right Captain Fuckface could be so cruel as to not give you so much as a hint to where he went.
So why do guys ghost women? Here are the Top Reasons Why:
He Wanted to Avoid an Awkward Conversation
It may sound cowardly, and it probably is, most people, most sane people anyway, hate confrontation. And this non-confrontation with loved ones isn’t reserved to just shy, non-confrontational men. I can’t begin to tell you how many men I know who are real captains of industry, take no shit kind of guys, but when it comes to a fight or flight situation with their women – they are like a giving Kenyan marathoners and will run to the ends of the earth. Men ghost to avoid confrontation, despite honesty being the best policy.
He Wants to Leave His Options Open
Some men ghost because frankly, they aren’t inspired enough to keep the inertia going and also aren’t convicted enough about your relationship being doomed to end it completely. You my friend are in purgatory. A meh existence. Some of this could be you needed to do more to excite him and contribute into this two way relationship, but more likely, is that he just isn’t that into you.
You are One of Women
Let’s face it with so many technological advances with dating apps out there in addition to traditional dating routes, i.e. friends of friends, horny co-workers, kickball league with out of shape beer enthusiasts, etc., there is just so many other opportunities if he just isn’t completely into you. The plenty of fish in the sea is more like plenty of fish in a vast ocean. It may not be your fault so much as an instant gratification culture and a generation raised to want everything easily and now. Women are guilty of this as well.
Things Got Boring
Not every person you date just clicks. Sometimes both of you go through the motions of just liking each other enough to keep it moving along but neither of you are really stoked to be riding this ride. He could bid you farewell, but it is hard to put into words (Meh comes to mind) what is lacking.
As we learned in school, the alligator symbol eats the bigger one. In this case, the effort he is putting forth to date you is bigger than the reward. Maybe the sex isn’t inspiring or your constant nagging of his food stains in his beard don’t outweigh the dinner you just microwaved him. Anyway you slice it; sometimes the effort in life isn’t worth the price and he the effort of his words of his frustration isn’t worth the reward to him of your feelings.
You Did Something That Deeply Upset Him
Change is hard. People spend years in relationships begrudgingly trying to change their partner. This battle can be upsetting to both parties, and frankly, leads to the big life question of, maybe people shouldn’t change who they are. In this situation, the guy ghosted you because inside of fighting the uphill battle and wanting you to change something about you, he just decided you are too much at odds.
The Guy Got Busy
Believe it or not, sometimes the guy is just living his life and his priority isn’t a relationship. Depression, careers, ailing parents, Taco Tuesday…the list is endless of things he may prioritize over a relationship and you guys aren’t on the same page. He probably isn’t trying to intentionally trying to blow you off, but his lack of engagement feels ghosty.
He Got What He Wanted (the Sex) and Pulled a Dick Move
People lie about their intentions sometimes. Women go out on Tinder dates for free food or twinkle their eyes at some grease monkey in a bar for a free drink, men may lie about their intentions of only wanting sex.
Have you been ghosted? We’d loving to hear your ghosting stories below.