Why do guys say things they don't mean

Why do guys say things they don’t mean?

Have you ever been on a date when the guy says “Next time I’ll take you to…” yet you don’t hear from him again? Or perhaps you’re dating and he starts talking about potentially living together, or going on vacation somewhere, then it never actually happens? In our heads we think, “Well he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it, right?” 

Wrong.

Sadly, life becomes easier when you realise this little fact: guys often say things they don’t mean. They future fake. Having discussed this topic with various girlfriends we all agreed; if a woman isn’t interested in a guy then she won’t talk about making any plans in the future. 

Perhaps a woman might half heartedly nod when a guy says “we should do this again sometime”, but she sure won’t pro-actively suggest anything.  

Men on the other hand, love to talk, they love to fantasise about things, but they won’t necessarily follow through. So why is this?

Men don’t think

Women are always thinking one step ahead. We think cautiously, we think about the future and we think about the consequences of our actions. 

Men often just think in the moment, and they process their emotions way more slowly. They don’t necessarily think about what they’re saying, they get excited, but then they process their thoughts further down the line.

Think of it like this. A woman checks to see what station the train is headed to. She weighs up whether she wants to go to that destination, then she either boards the train or she decides she won’t get on in the first place. Men get on the train without checking where it’s going, then half way through the journey they think: damn I didn’t know the train was headed this way, I want to get off!”

They can’t process their feelings at the same time

Many men can’t seem to be able to process their thoughts and feelings at the same time. They’re not necessarily lying and they mean it when they’re saying it. But then days or weeks later, they have time to process their feelings, and they feel differently. Women have much better ability to feel and think at the same time. 

They want to attract you

Even if a guy isn’t attracted to you, he’s still on a date, and he wants to prove he can attract you. It’s nice to feel wanted and to feel attractive. So, he tells you what he thinks you want to hear in order to make himself appear more attractive in your eyes. And if he is attracted, he’s often thinking with his dick first and foremost anyways. So he says a bunch of stuff to increase his chances of getting laid. 

Because they’re unable to accept responsibility

Men who haven’t matured enough don’t think about the consequences of their actions and they aren’t able to accept any type of responsibility.

If a guy is sleeping with you for months for instance and then says “I thought we were friends and just hanging out” – he is only able to think about himself and doesn’t have the capacity yet to understand his effect on others. That’s not your problem, it’s his. 

It takes a mature guy to realise that hey, “All of my words and actions have meaning, so I should be careful with what I say so I don’t mislead anyone”.  

Take it all with a pinch of salt…

So what does this all mean? Just take everything a guy says with a pinch of salt. As women, we tend to remember every little thing a guy says. We hold onto it, and when the guy doesn’t follow through on what he says, we get upset. So, it’s important to not get excited until those things actually come to fruition.

Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

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