He's Just Not That Into You

Why Doesn’t He Say He’s Just Not That Into Me?

Ever since the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You”, women around the world had that “aha” moment of realising that maybe when a guy doesn’t act interested, perhaps he actually really isn’t that interested.

But why doesn’t he say “I’m just not that into you”?

Wouldn’t it just be easier if he just told you directly?

I’ve asked various males this exact question, and it usually goes along the lines of, “I don’t want to upset her”, “That would be mean” or “It’s just easier not to”.

The truth is, men like to keep their lives simple, so they’ll do anything to avoid causing any emotional drama. These are the common reasons why he doesn’t tell you he’s just not that into you:

Avoiding conflict

While men actually like to talk to each other in a very direct way, when it comes to the opposite sex, they’ll almost never be direct. They would rather just slip away unnoticed, either by not confirming the date, not texting back, or ghosting. The thought of you crying, yelling, or getting upset in front of him is his absolute worst nightmare, because then he has explain why he doesn’t like you and he’s probably going to feel incredibly guilty.

“But I wouldn’t react like that!” I hear you say.

He’s not to know that, and he won’t risk the chance that you will.

So instead, he feels the easiest thing is to just let you down gently, by not saying anything at all.

He wants you to break up with him

A guy once told me, “I usually just stop talking to her in the hope that she’ll end it with me.”

Some guys may start getting lazy with texting or start phasing you out, in the hope that you’ll realise they’re such an idiot that you’ll break up with them. This way, they don’t have to look like the bad guy.

Unfortunately this can backfire, as some women will cling on in the hopes that something will change further down the line.

He doesn’t want you to think badly of him

This sort of ties in with the point above. Even though a guy may not like you all that much, he wants you to like him. He doesn’t want you to bad mouth him to your friends or tell them what a dick he’s been. Yep men (and women) deep down want to feel attractive to the opposite sex, even if they’re not interested in a relationship with that person.

He may want to keep you on the backburner

The truth is, some men don’t want to cut it off completely, just in case. If he’s between women or bored and he wants sex, he may call you for a hook up. If he’s already told you he’s just not that into you, then that cuts off the chance of ever having sex with you again. Guys like to keep their opportunities, and sources of sex, open, which means they’re more likely to feed you breadcrumbs than do the right thing and set you straight.


Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

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