Why & How To Talk Dirty To Your Boyfriend

Keeping a relationship alive and kicking is hard. After years and years of being together, there will surely come a point where the spark grows dim and almost non-existent. The butterflies you felt in your stomach when you first met is now nowhere to be found. The moments that you would get lost in his eyes now seldom happens. Texts, calls, dinners, and movies have all lost their touch. You feel like your relationship is at a standstill; you feel lost.

You wonder, is this the time to call it quits?

Don’t even go there – at least not yet. You may regret this decision in the future if you decide at the spur of the moment. All relationships get BORING (read more). It’s not just yours. However, if people are always so easy to give up on each other the moment their relationship gets tested, then humanity really has lost faith on the beauty of true and genuine love. Your relationship simply reached a “peak.” But that never means you can’t take it higher any longer. After all, there is no such thing as a “ceiling” for love. There is no definite line that defines just how far passion and intimacy can go. Love knows no limits. This is exactly why it is considered as the most formidable force in the world. 

So what if your relationship has gotten boring? This is definitely not the first time that it got to that point and this most certainly won’t be the last. Love is a test of time, not just a test of feelings. To be truly in love, you have to transcend the basic instinct of humanity to quit whenever the going gets tough (Read why people give up easily on love here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201503/are-you-giving-love ). You have to be more than just human. You need to be a loving human.

Again, keeping a relationship alive and kicking is hard. But it is not impossible. All you need to do is to renew your relationship whenever the hype gets low. In other words, you have to welcome new fun into the relationship. And do you know what can spice up your love life big time?

Two words: Dirty Talk.

Okay. You’re probably thinking “Whoa. What is this writer thinking trying to teach us how to talk dirty?” Don’t play innocent. You’ve done it before; maybe even more times than you can count on your fingers. If you’ve really never tried it before, then no wonder your relationships keep failing! Not kidding. 

Passion plays a very important role in a relationship. Without passion, your relationship as a couple would not differ greatly from the relationship shared between friends. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong about wanting to keep things simple and intimate. However, why become a couple if you’re not ready to broaden your horizons? To step out of your comfort zone and explore life’s most indulgent pleasures? As per Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, he states that in order for a relationship to work, the presence of three factors must be met. He says that true love flourishes when there is Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion. Here, we see the importance of passion from a scholar’s perspective. It’s integral to the formation of real love.

And really, talking dirty is a very good way of showing passion.

Here are three ways talking dirty can help your relationship.

  1. You become vocal of what you love about each other. Sometimes, words are sweeter than actions. I know that I’m contradicting a lot of other literature when I say this, but there are just some things that people long to hear – especially when these “things” sound really sexy. It takes courage to talk about physical things with your lover. I think it takes twice the effort to voice out what you want to “do” to your lover or what you want your lover to do for you rather than just executing it all in bed (or wherever else you can think of, for that matter). It can send tingles down your partner’s spine whenever you catch them off guard and whisper “what you would do later” into his or her ear (I’ll leave the “do later” part up to your imagination). What I’m saying is, doing this intermittently can really help blow a hotter wind into your lives; it can definitely sizzle things up for you.
  2. You communicate better. Dirty talk can actually be a way for you to communicate better. Sometimes, we get too ahead of ourselves and do things that make the other party feel awkward or uncomfortable. It can really ruin the fun for either or both of you. Of course, when we make love to someone, we want them to have the best moments of their lives. And if we do anything that falls short of that, we tend to get disappointed – not because our partners reacted negatively to it but because we have failed to give them the time of their lives. You can take advantage of “dirty talk” to discover what your partner likes and dislikes in advance. When both parties feel fulfilled about doing the deed, I’m pretty sure the relationship will last. Read more about the importance of sexual communication here: https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/sex-life/a2277/having-a-great-sex-life-8211-the-importance-of-communication/
  3.  You make each other feel desirable. Do you know why people quit boring relationships? Rather, do you know why relationships get boring in the first place? Well, when things get “normal,” we tend to forget how important adoration and compliments are – especially physical ones. We love to feel special. We love to feel desired. But as time goes by, we often get too comfortable being around our partners that we forget to tell them how gorgeous, sexy, beautiful, handsome, manly, and AROUSING they are to our eyes. This lack of interaction causes a relationship to fall out of place; to feel boring and unfulfilling. Knowing this, you should already realize that it is not that difficult to bring a relationship back to life. All you need is some time alone and a little teasing, that’s all. Make the other person feel wanted and desired. When someone knows how much they mean to your world, they’d stay. I am 99% sure of that.

P.S. I saved the 1% for a few inhuman exceptions that don’t know real treasure when they already have it in their hands. Anyway, check this out if you want more tips for talking dirty. Ciao!

Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

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