Why is he still texting me if he's not interested

Why is he texting me if he’s not interested?

Has a guy told you he’s not interested but he’s still texting you? Or maybe he’s giving you mixed signals by messaging you all the time but never actually asking you out on a date or arranging to meet up?

The mixed signals can be very confusing because it’s easy to start thinking that if a guy is communicating and putting in the effort to text, he MUST be interested right?

Unfortunately that’s not always the case. When a guy is into you, his words and his actions will usually match. Yet some guys will explicitly say they are not interested or not ready for a relationship and yet they’ll keep texting you or even keep getting in touch with you for a hookup. I know, it doesn’t seem fair, but we all know that a lot of men tend to think with their dicks. The onus is on you to set your boundaries and walk away instead of being there for him whenever he wants you.

He’s not interested, but he’s STILL texting me?

As an example, a friend was recently complaining to me that she never gets to spend any time with the guy she likes. He’s always too busy with work and has other things going on.

“But we talk all day! We text each other every day, even in the morning and before we go to bed at night!” she tells me.

In her mind, she’s become completely emotionally attached because they text each other all day and for her, this means they’ve developed a strong bond. It makes her feel like it’s more than sex or casual dating because they “know” each other so well.

Yet in reality, do they know each other at all? He’s not committing to her and has even said that he’s not ready for a relationship right now. He wants to keep seeing her and get all the benefits of occasional sex/someone to talk to, without giving her his time. She wants more and is holding on to the hope of something more serious.

This kind of story happens to so many women.

Texting can be fun and thrilling and I’m sure it makes your heart skip a beat when his name flashes up on your phone. But it’s frustrating if you’re stuck feeling like you’re his pen pal and it isn’t really going anywhere.

So if you’re thinking, “why is he still texting me if he’s not interested?” these are the reasons why:

It’s a fantasy

Men often love the fantasy but not necessarily the reality. They want to keep it in the fantasy world where they can have flirtatious messages and funny conversations and everything is completely perfect. But that’s just it, it’s fantasy. Reality is completely different because it means exposing each other’s flaws and communicating on a more intimate basis – something he isn’t really ready for.

He’s bored

It could possibly be that his life isn’t very exciting at the moment and he has lots of time on his hands. He may get bored when he’s at the office and pick up the phone to text you. We’ve all probably had moments where we’ve been a little bit bored and picked up the phone to strike up a conversation with anyone who’s there at the time. Just because he’s texting you doesn’t mean he isn’t texting a bunch of other people at the same time.

It’s nice to have someone who cares

If he’s in a relationship or dating someone then it’s likely he may text you when he’s had an argument with his partner or when she’s not appreciating him enough. If you’re there to listen to his problems, cheer him up when he’s down or sext him when he’s not getting sex from his partner, then he’s going to keep texting you. And if he’s single, well, it’s still nice to have someone there to care about his achievements or what’s going on in his life. Everyone likes to feel cared about and wanted.

He’s a narcissist who likes an ego boost

Sadly there are narcissists out there who simply contact you because they need a source of narcissistic supply. These types of people are the worst! They will keep on coming back to you because they need validation that they still have you right where they want you. Stay well clear!

He’s keeping you on the backburner

He may be not that into you right now because he’s in a relationship or there’s another girl he’s casually dating. So, he’s making her his priority while keeping you on the back burner in case it doesn’t work out. He can keep you around as a booty call or, if things don’t progress with the other girl, don’t be surprised if he suddenly starts pursuing you again.

He enjoys talking to you

Do you have super funny, witty conversations? It could just be that he enjoys texting you as a friend because you have hilarious banter with each other and he doesn’t really want to give that up. But if you’re important to him and he wants something with your romantically, TRUST me when I say, he will make it very clear and arrange to see you.

He’s trying to be ‘nice’

Guys don’t want to come across as dicks. They hate looking bad and they hate confrontation. So, sometimes they will respond because they want to seem like nice guy and not come across as an asshole to mutual friends. Do you feel like you’re initiating the conversation all the time? If so, he’s probably responding out of politeness. Take a step back, stop texting him and see if he contacts you first.

What to do…

The bottom line is that texting DOESN’T equal a relationship. If you need more than that, if you need actual physical contact, then it’s important to get away from the texting, get him to call you and turn this into a meet up. If he’s said verbally that he’s not interested in dating you then you definitely need to cut the chord and move on. I know sometimes it’s hard as it’s nice to have someone to talk to. Plus, that feeling of butterflies when your phone vibrates is very addictive. However, it’s better to stop wasting your time on a fantasy relationship and find someone who really does want all the things you want.

If you’re not quite sure how he feels and you’re getting mixed signals, then at some point you’ll need to bite the bullet and move things forward – Matthew Hussey has some tips for doing this.

I know it’s scary but ask if he wants to meet up. Sometimes men need a little nudge and a bit of directness and they don’t always get the hint. I know you’re scared you’ll be rejected and he’ll say no but at the end of the day at least you’ll have your answer. If he turns you down or keeps cancelling on you with different excuses, don’t keep trying to pursue it.

Victoria
vbrewood@gmail.com

Hi, I’m Victoria. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist, instead my relationship advice comes from real life dating experience and lessons learnt by trial and error. All the guys I’ve dated have been very different but I certainly came across my fare share of “Mr Unavailable” types, so if you find yourself in a situation with a guy who won’t commit, hopefully these stories will help.

1Comment
  • Upwealthy
    Posted at 15:32h, 28 May Reply

    This is so helpful. Don’t just be a rescue for his boredom, stop talking to him and move on. You are worth much more. Thanks for sharing.

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